Starting next week, getting fucked will be as easy as pressing A4. Sex toys will be sold in residence hall vending machines, the culmination of a yearlong bitchfest by the student organization Allied in Whine.
The University announced it caught the author of the @FakeStevenKnapp Twitter account this week, placing the blame on former University President Steven Dough Trachtenbucks during a late-night press conference Sunday.
Monica Lewinsky finished off Clinton and his Global Initiative Saturday, delivering the keynote address to an auditorium of awaiting students.
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bercranky told a group of 30 students last week that fixing the world’s most severe financial crisis since the Great Depression was simply a matter of guessing randomly, “just winging it” and hoping for the best.
A deal with the federal government will allow GW to eliminate restrictions on alcohol consumption and recreational drug use in the University’s most detested residence halls.
The Sigma Chi Association struck a hard deal with University administrators this week to lower the cost of water bottles on campus by a staggering 2 cents.
The University piled on an additional $420 million in debt this weekend, according to a bar tab passed along to The GW Toolbox.