Metro Monopoly: Foggy Bottom
The Marvin Center is the best-kept secret on campus.
April 1, 2015
Stories from the April 1, 2015 issue of the GW Hatchet.
Commencement speaker to open apple store
No, not computers. An apple store will open on campus in March 2016. The store will serve McIntosh apples sourced from an orchard in Virginia.
Baseball team shaves beards after member mistaken for Virginia drug lord
The baseball team showed up to Barcroft Park clean shaven over the weekend after sophomore shortstop Kev Mahalo was arrested in Virginia earlier in the week because police mistook him for a man wanted for organizing a ring of meth labs in the state.
By transitive property, GW basketball better than Georgetown
They say to be the best, you have to beat the best.
Pair A. BlueJeans: Bring men’s rights activism to GW
Male students at this University have been forced to listen to feminist complaints – everything from equal pay to street “harassment” – for far too long.
IT department fixes broken pound key on men’s basketball computer
The team’s Twitter account had been an inscrutable mess since November, featuring hundreds of what appeared to be hashtags but was really just the symbol followed by gibberish.
The five GW guys you’ll meet on Tinder
Chances are, you already met him in a beer-soaked basement the first week of freshman year. He’s wearing salmon-colored shorts and Sperry Top-Siders.
To make up for budget cuts, University sells weed on the side
Though selling weed is still illegal in D.C., a Hatchet Job investigation reveals that a quietly rolled-out task force has begun unloading 100 pounds of weed a week to make up for the massive budget cuts hitting campus.
The Hatchet Job celebrates its 1 millionth error
GW’s student newspaper reached the milestone after incorrectly reporting that University President Jock Strapp had purchased the Gelbucks shop for his dog, Lays.
University President Jock Strapp burns down SEH following debt disaster
The Majorly Poopy Department charged University President Jock Strapp this week with arson after an investigation revealed he burned down the $275 million Science and Engineering Hall.