Stories from the April 1, 2014 issue of the GW Hatchet.
Bravo will make GW the first college in the country with its own reality show next fall, using the campus’ penchant for infighting and accusations to bring “The Real Administrators of Foggy Bottom” to primetime cable.
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. After signing his seven-year contract extension, men’s basketball head coach Madeya Careagain has enlisted a group of unlikely assistant coaches to help with the Colonials’ putrid free-throw shooting. Four brothers of Pi Beta Epsilon fraternity, who each made it to the […]
Don’t worry, these news stories are fake – but the reactions are not.
Whole Foods unveiled its first-ever Amnesty Day last week for its sticky-fingered patients looking to make amends. Hundreds of GW students lined up down I Street to return various items they had lifted from the store without paying Monday evening for the day of no retributions.
For the last month, Vern Man had spent the night tucked into a trundle bed that Klapp had desperately installed in the top floor of his 1925 F Street townhouse.
The freshman has been aggravating high school friends by incessantly posting photos of D.C. monuments and motorcades, sometimes as selfie backdrops, made worse by poor filter selections.
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. This writer is the former chairman of Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC So, I heard recently that GW decided to blur the ethical lines in its fundraising campaign, taking $80 million from Michael Milken, a white collar crime convict. Six […]
Media Credit: Camera Lenscapster | A Fine Pilsner Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Administrators believe they have found the perfect way to save campus dining and dating culture. Starting next fall, underclassmen will be required to sign up for dates at restaurants across the city where […]
Men’s basketball heartthrob LongJohn KanFreakYa, who plans to go to medical school after graduating, will be featured in a six-page Playgirl magazine cover spread entitled “A Checkup That’s Anything But Routine.”
If the Program Board wanted to pay someone to sing a song from our past, at least they should have stayed away from high school years. Nobody wants to remember high school.