March 31, 2011

Volume 107, Issue 52

Stories from the March 31, 2011 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.

April Fools’ Issue: Schnapps named Ivory vandal

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Security camera footage revealed that University President Steven Schnapps’ fist pumping is the cause of destruction that has plagued Ivory Tower residence hall this year, University officials announced Monday. GW installed 36 surveillance cameras last semester, after the Unpopular Police Department […]

April Fools’ Issue: GW offers study abroad on the Vern

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. GW announced a new study abroad program this week designed to immerse students in the completely foreign culture of the Mount Vernon Campus. Students in the semester-long program will live among Vern residents, eating traditional Pelham cuisine and taking interior design […]

April Fools’ Issue: The Corner of Truth

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The University finally did it. It took 190 years but GW finally broke the billion dollar barrier on its debt reaching $1.04 billion – yes, a fucking billion dollars in September. But, because you’re all so busy being super important to […]