Volume 107, Issue 52
Stories from the March 31, 2011 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The University announced Wednesday that its new namesake will be District Overlord Vinny Grey, after officials determined that honoring the alumnus just twice throughout his two-month tenure was insufficient. University President Steven Schnapps said the decision to switch the University’s name […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. A Bunch of Hipsters “Mix CD that my pseudo-indie friend burned me” Okay, so after these unfortunate-looking Canadians (Arcade Flamers?) beat Katy Perry and Gaga for the Album of the Year Grammy this year, I thought my ears were ready to […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Hard copies of The Hot Shit arrived on campus later than usual Thursday afternoon, after a majority of Hot Shit staffers skipped production to drink at a McFadden’s happy hour the night before the issue was slated to hit stands, witnesses […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Cultivate Eskimo siblings They are your family away from home. Gelman is hot If someone burned down Gelman for the insurance money we wouldn’t be too sad. Handjobs are the poor man’s blowjob You’re in college, grow up. Also, spitters are […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. It is with many apologies and even more regrets that I humbly announce my resignation as the sex columnist. The angry crowds have surrounded my compound and their murderous chants are ceaseless. I’m no Muammar Gaddafi; I can read the writing […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. As the end of the school year approaches and we prepare ourselves for springtime in the District, it’s important to take a look around and assess how everything is going here at The George Washington University. Perusing the campus news and […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. J Avenue was given a three-star rating by the prestigious Michelin Guide, making it the 82nd eatery worldwide to receive the accolade for its “exceptional cuisine, worth a special journey.” Reviewers from the Michelin Guide praised J Avenue’s cuisine for its […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The University will begin an aggressive campaign to increase the number of straight males on campus, an initiative aimed at easing female students’ sexual frustrations, GW’s first provost for the Addition of Non-Jewish New York- New Jersey Students said Wednesday. Randomly […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The Unpopular Police Department arrested Socially Awkward Association Executive Vice President-elect Ted Tyson on multiple assault charges Tuesday, after he punched three top University administrators when they refused to make costs “go down, down, down, down, down.” Tyson – who pledged […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical and published in a spoof issue. University officials were forced to sign a new speaker to deliver this year’s keynote Commencement address, after their original choice – New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg – was severely injured during a Broadway showing of “Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark.” The University […]