Volume 107, Issue 52
Stories from the March 31, 2011 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. With nine players injured and the season on the line, biddies’ basketball head coach Mike Dozeman was willing to do whatever it took to save his squad. Even if that meant joining his players on the court and rounding out their […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. GW announced a new study abroad program this week designed to immerse students in the completely foreign culture of the Mount Vernon Campus. Students in the semester-long program will live among Vern residents, eating traditional Pelham cuisine and taking interior design […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The University finally did it. It took 190 years but GW finally broke the billion dollar barrier on its debt reaching $1.04 billion – yes, a fucking billion dollars in September. But, because you’re all so busy being super important to […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. HIDING PLACE, Sweden – In an unprecedented breach of Socially Awkward Association security protocol, whistleblower and information freedom activist Julian Assange released thousands of pages of documents revealing the internal workings of the SA Wednesday. The documents, sent to GW media […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The University announced Wednesday that its new namesake will be District Overlord Vinny Grey, after officials determined that honoring the alumnus just twice throughout his two-month tenure was insufficient. University President Steven Schnapps said the decision to switch the University’s name […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. A Bunch of Hipsters “Mix CD that my pseudo-indie friend burned me” Okay, so after these unfortunate-looking Canadians (Arcade Flamers?) beat Katy Perry and Gaga for the Album of the Year Grammy this year, I thought my ears were ready to […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Hard copies of The Hot Shit arrived on campus later than usual Thursday afternoon, after a majority of Hot Shit staffers skipped production to drink at a McFadden’s happy hour the night before the issue was slated to hit stands, witnesses […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Cultivate Eskimo siblings They are your family away from home. Gelman is hot If someone burned down Gelman for the insurance money we wouldn’t be too sad. Handjobs are the poor man’s blowjob You’re in college, grow up. Also, spitters are […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. It is with many apologies and even more regrets that I humbly announce my resignation as the sex columnist. The angry crowds have surrounded my compound and their murderous chants are ceaseless. I’m no Muammar Gaddafi; I can read the writing […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. As the end of the school year approaches and we prepare ourselves for springtime in the District, it’s important to take a look around and assess how everything is going here at The George Washington University. Perusing the campus news and […]