April Fools’ Issue: Cartoon: The only thing you read
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
March 31, 2011
Volume 107, Issue 52
Stories from the March 31, 2011 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.
April Fools’ Issue: Dozeman dons wig, takes court with women’s team
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. With nine players injured and the season on the line, biddies’ basketball head coach Mike Dozeman was willing to do whatever it took to save his squad. Even if that meant joining his players on the court and rounding out their […]
April Fools’ Issue: GW offers study abroad on the Vern
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. GW announced a new study abroad program this week designed to immerse students in the completely foreign culture of the Mount Vernon Campus. Students in the semester-long program will live among Vern residents, eating traditional Pelham cuisine and taking interior design […]
April Fools’ Issue: The Corner of Truth
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The University finally did it. It took 190 years but GW finally broke the billion dollar barrier on its debt reaching $1.04 billion – yes, a fucking billion dollars in September. But, because you’re all so busy being super important to […]
April Fools’ Issue: Wikileaks releases internal SA documents
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. HIDING PLACE, Sweden – In an unprecedented breach of Socially Awkward Association security protocol, whistleblower and information freedom activist Julian Assange released thousands of pages of documents revealing the internal workings of the SA Wednesday. The documents, sent to GW media […]
April Fools’ Issue: University honors Grey again
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The University announced Wednesday that its new namesake will be District Overlord Vinny Grey, after officials determined that honoring the alumnus just twice throughout his two-month tenure was insufficient. University President Steven Schnapps said the decision to switch the University’s name […]
April Fools’ Issue: Quick Takes
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. A Bunch of Hipsters “Mix CD that my pseudo-indie friend burned me” Okay, so after these unfortunate-looking Canadians (Arcade Flamers?) beat Katy Perry and Gaga for the Album of the Year Grammy this year, I thought my ears were ready to […]
April Fools’ Issue: Hot Shit shirks editing for McFadden’s
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Hard copies of The Hot Shit arrived on campus later than usual Thursday afternoon, after a majority of Hot Shit staffers skipped production to drink at a McFadden’s happy hour the night before the issue was slated to hit stands, witnesses […]
April Fools’ Issue: Hot Shit Editorial: Shit to live by
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Cultivate Eskimo siblings They are your family away from home. Gelman is hot If someone burned down Gelman for the insurance money we wouldn’t be too sad. Handjobs are the poor man’s blowjob You’re in college, grow up. Also, spitters are […]
April Fools’ Issue: Sex columnist resigns
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. It is with many apologies and even more regrets that I humbly announce my resignation as the sex columnist. The angry crowds have surrounded my compound and their murderous chants are ceaseless. I’m no Muammar Gaddafi; I can read the writing […]