April 1, 2010

Volume 106, Issue 52

Stories from the April 1, 2010 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.

April Fools’ Issue: Campus Calendar

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Thursday The Failing Future of Journalism Listen to industry experts discuss journalism’s future and the top five reasons that future is bleak. Free food will be provided for SMPA majors. Jack Morton Auditorium | 7 to 9 p.m. Friday “You’re Not […]

April Fools’ Issue: ’24’ star takes over as chief of police

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. After University officials searched for months to find a replacement for retiring UPD Chief Dolores Didntgetaglock, former Counter Terrorism Unit agent Jack Bauer took over the position Friday. Bauer immediately went out on patrol himself and made drastic changes to how […]

April Fools’ Issue: Tools banned from public restrooms

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Following October’s hammer attack in Duques, the University announced Tuesday that no tools will be allowed in public restrooms on campus, complicating the urinary plans of a good chunk of the student body. University President Schemin’ Steven – who created the […]

April Fools’ Issue: Third phase of arena upgrades to add fans

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The third phase of Smitten Centre renovations is beginning to get underway this month, with the last round of additions to include a front fa?ade, a revamped concessions area, and fans, an administrator said this week. “We’re really excited about all […]

April Fools’ Issue: Crime Log

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Death 3/28/2010 – 10:00 a.m. – Phillips Hall – Case open A janitor at GW called UPD while cleaning the Columbian School’s office. All CSGT academic advisers were found to have been dead for quite some time due to overexertion. Referred […]