Volume 106, Issue 52
Stories from the April 1, 2010 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Following the hospitalization of two STAR tour guides, administrators announced yesterday that the program would no longer force unpaid students to walk backwards when giving tours. As STAR tour guides Bobby Maximum and Preztobe Clifton continue to recover from broken tailbones […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Twice a week we get together and tell you the same shit over and over. Well we’re tired of it and you’re tired of it, so we are just going to give you a list, check whatever the hell you think […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. South Hall has won this year’s eco-challenge, using 50 percent less energy than all other residence halls by using “creative electricity and water preservation tactics.” Frigid showers, frequent electricity outages and regularly broken elevators significantly reduced the University’s energy output – […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Thursday The Failing Future of Journalism Listen to industry experts discuss journalism’s future and the top five reasons that future is bleak. Free food will be provided for SMPA majors. Jack Morton Auditorium | 7 to 9 p.m. Friday “You’re Not […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. After University officials searched for months to find a replacement for retiring UPD Chief Dolores Didntgetaglock, former Counter Terrorism Unit agent Jack Bauer took over the position Friday. Bauer immediately went out on patrol himself and made drastic changes to how […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Following October’s hammer attack in Duques, the University announced Tuesday that no tools will be allowed in public restrooms on campus, complicating the urinary plans of a good chunk of the student body. University President Schemin’ Steven – who created the […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The third phase of Smitten Centre renovations is beginning to get underway this month, with the last round of additions to include a front fa?ade, a revamped concessions area, and fans, an administrator said this week. “We’re really excited about all […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Death 3/28/2010 – 10:00 a.m. – Phillips Hall – Case open A janitor at GW called UPD while cleaning the Columbian School’s office. All CSGT academic advisers were found to have been dead for quite some time due to overexertion. Referred […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Here’s the deal: We figured out how to time travel. It’s no big deal, but our shit makes the Dolorean look like a toy. So, we decided to have some fun and send a reporter 10 years into the future to […]