Volume 106, Issue 52
Stories from the April 1, 2010 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Inspired by the success of fellow former Colonial Alena Byers in this year’s Winter Olympics in Vancouver, a pair of former GW basketball standouts said Wednesday that they would begin training later this year with the intention of earning spots on […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. School spirit on campus markedly improved last week and nearly all formal complaints filed by the student body were eliminated after a University task force began distributing free drugs in Kogan Plaza. Students were told the drugs – a buff and […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. In an extensive 15-minute investigation spent looking at the official athletic department Web site, The Machete has discovered this week that the University is planning to add teams in up to 20 sports that are not basketball. “We’ve always had a […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The Columbian School of Generic Things revealed several new categories for its general curriculum requirements Tuesday, including courses teaching students how to do community service that garners national attention and how to conduct award-winning and grant-winning research. Students will also have […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. A GW senior has gone missing and both city and University police have launched a large-scale search, officials said late Wednesday night. Friends of Gohin Toveeay say they haven’t heard from her in nearly 48 hours. She was last seen walking […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. An investigation into a sharp drop in undergraduate GPAs turned up documents that suggest that most of the class of 2013 is actually made up of students that were supposed to be rejected. The Office of Mistaken Decisions said more than […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Yes, we did! Si, se puede! That’s right, we did it, we got Obama elected, and EVERYTHING is better now. It’s only a year after Obama took office, and there is nothing left to do. The youth was the engine of […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. University officials this week announced that the 150 rising sophomores who were waitlisted during the Hosing crisis of 2010 will be assigned to the “two best locations on campus” – Kogan Plaza and University Yard. Tents will be pitched in Kogan […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Ladies and Gentlemen, I am here to tell you about the single biggest threat to American democracy, society, liberty, freedom, business, cuisine, and morality. No, I’m not talking about Obama’s socialist agenda, people with foreign names, or even Keith Olbermann. I’m […]