April 1, 2009

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. TOPEKA, Kan. – After confusing President Obama and millions of onlookers at the inaugural parade, the GW Inaugural Float has continued to travel across the country, bewildering everyone as to the logic behind its design and where the endless amount of […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Vice President Chernak laments Buzzkill coverage in an exclusive interview by The Buzzkill’s Eggplant in Chief Cleric Groper.

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The University announced Friday that former Vice President Dick Cheney will be the new leader of the GW Hospital. At a press conference, Cheney proclaimed that he accepted the position because “GW is where my heart is.” He meant the comment […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Last fall, GW’s School of Malpractice and Hazardous Sciences had its accreditation placed on probation by the Losers Creating Medical Expectations. SMHS has since gone above and beyond the call of duty to keep the true reasons for this embarrassment under […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The Buzzkill reported that Stickupyour Ass-ociation presidential candidate Gorgeous Stunner was convicted of second-degree murder before coming to GW. He was actually convicted of first-degree murder. The Buzzkill erroneously reported that the University was not raising tuition for incoming freshmen. The […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. An independent Stickuptheir Ass-ociation committee discovered last week that SA President Vishard Nixon bugged his own Marvin Center office, and tapes reveal an array of disturbing activities and behaviors. The committee was tipped off to the existence of the tapes by […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. March 27 – 11:32 p.m. – Thurston Hall Two male students experimenting with psychedelic drugs reported to the Unarmed Police Department that their microwave was verbally berating them. When officers arrived on the scene, the subjects were crying naked on the […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The Sigma Upsilon Kappa sorority raised a record $2.57 at their annual fundraiser Saturday night for SUK’s national philanthropy, the Juvenile Alzheimer’s Fund. SUK President Skanky McSlutberg said she was pleased with the record haul. “I think that it is important […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Reader’s note to the reader’s note: Sadly, these statistics are accurate. So here’s a newsflash for you: The University is nearly one billion dollars in debt. That’s right – one billion goddamn dollars – with a capital “B.” Of course, none […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The Stickuptheir Ass-ociation office was ransacked early Friday morning after SA President-elect AutoCandidate 2.0, a robot also known as Julie Bindlegass, “took back the SA” in a violent coup d’etat. AutoCandidate defeated her runoff opponent by 112 votes at around 9:45 […]