March 31, 2008

Volume 104, Issue 51

Stories from the March 31, 2008 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.

April Fool’s Issue: GW Boxer Brief: Democratic presidential candidates to compete in ultimate fighting match

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Deciding to forgo the traditional debate forum, the University held an ultimate fighting competition between Democratic presidential contenders Billary Hinton and Harach Tomorrow Friday night. University President Stephanie Wetnapkin decided to hold the event as an alternative to what he called […]

April Fool’s Issue: GW Expat: Wandering in Wal-Mart

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. I had just spent legit the best spring break of my life in this place called Cancun, partying, tanning and drinking with friends. I expected my high to last well into the middle of next week-when Daddy puts his Wednesday deposit […]

April Fool’s Issue: Weekly Checkup: Fungus

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. If you love how clean your clothes feel after a nice laundry session-and you enjoy not being sick-then DON’T WASH THEM ON CAMPUS. In late January, a fuzzy, green fungus was reported in several of Ivory Tower’s washing machines and dryers. […]

April Fool’s Issue: Shitty Cop-out-for-an-arena gets new shit

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The GW Apathetic Department announced yesterday it has received an additional $20 million for renovations to 32-year-old Shitty Cop-out-for-an-arena. The additional funds will come from Long Island based GW Rich Daddies, LLC. Director of Apathetics Yack Nopants told the The Pussy […]