Volume 104, Issue 51
Stories from the March 31, 2008 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. I’m a tool. An incredibly big tool. I really want to go to GW. It’s not because I have brownnosed teachers since pre-K. It isn’t even because I starred in three renditions of “Fiddler on the Roof” in the same year […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Deciding to forgo the traditional debate forum, the University held an ultimate fighting competition between Democratic presidential contenders Billary Hinton and Harach Tomorrow Friday night. University President Stephanie Wetnapkin decided to hold the event as an alternative to what he called […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. In the wake of the Supreme Court’s recent decision to overturn D.C.’s handgun ban, the Undersized Penis Department has armed all of its officers to the teeth. Law enforcement experts are estimating an influx of thousands of new guns in the […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. (Or click here for a PDF.) fucked-up graphic you won’t understand by Jewlius Crouton/senior d-bag
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. I had just spent legit the best spring break of my life in this place called Cancun, partying, tanning and drinking with friends. I expected my high to last well into the middle of next week-when Daddy puts his Wednesday deposit […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. (Click here for a larger image, or here for a PDF.)
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. If you love how clean your clothes feel after a nice laundry session-and you enjoy not being sick-then DON’T WASH THEM ON CAMPUS. In late January, a fuzzy, green fungus was reported in several of Ivory Tower’s washing machines and dryers. […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The GW Apathetic Department announced yesterday it has received an additional $20 million for renovations to 32-year-old Shitty Cop-out-for-an-arena. The additional funds will come from Long Island based GW Rich Daddies, LLC. Director of Apathetics Yack Nopants told the The Pussy […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Sophomore Marco Polo thought he was only waking up to the dull roar of janitor’s vacuums during the month that he slept in the Gelman Library. Little did he know that the People Watching Association was also breathing softly in the […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Slapyour Ass Executive Vice President-elect Metroman Troyer stepped down from his position as EVP and on Tuesday, President-elect Vajay Jay will appoint his mustache to replace Troyer. Troyer was arrested for jumping over Metro turnstiles in more than 20 different D.C. […]