March 31, 2008

Volume 104, Issue 51

Stories from the March 31, 2008 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.

April Fool’s Issue: GW Expat: Wandering in Wal-Mart

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. I had just spent legit the best spring break of my life in this place called Cancun, partying, tanning and drinking with friends. I expected my high to last well into the middle of next week-when Daddy puts his Wednesday deposit […]

April Fool’s Issue: Weekly Checkup: Fungus

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. If you love how clean your clothes feel after a nice laundry session-and you enjoy not being sick-then DON’T WASH THEM ON CAMPUS. In late January, a fuzzy, green fungus was reported in several of Ivory Tower’s washing machines and dryers. […]

April Fool’s Issue: Shitty Cop-out-for-an-arena gets new shit

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The GW Apathetic Department announced yesterday it has received an additional $20 million for renovations to 32-year-old Shitty Cop-out-for-an-arena. The additional funds will come from Long Island based GW Rich Daddies, LLC. Director of Apathetics Yack Nopants told the The Pussy […]

April Fool’s Issue: Gawker finds Gelman Lover

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Sophomore Marco Polo thought he was only waking up to the dull roar of janitor’s vacuums during the month that he slept in the Gelman Library. Little did he know that the People Watching Association was also breathing softly in the […]

Amid jeers, Rove speaks to YAF

Republican strategist Karl Rove was unfazed by two separate interruptions from protesters calling him a war criminal as he spoke about the 2008 election in front of a sold-out crowd at the Elliott School of International Affairs Friday night. The first interruption came five minutes into Rove’s remarks, when an unidentified male stood up and […]

April Fool’s Issue: Campus Calendar

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Monday Sexaholics Anonymous Meeting Come join us for a night of discussion about the immense joys of sex and the lack of any consequences. 9 p.m. to 11 p.m. Marvin Center Grand Ballroom Sponsored by S.L.U.T.S. Tuesday Planned Parenthood In a […]