Volume 103, Issue 51
Stories from the April 2, 2007 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Contrary to earlier reports that pianist Regina Spektor would be performing at this year’s Spring Fling, Program Board announced that it has booked famed children’s band The Wiggles to campus for the annual event, held April 14 this year. The Wiggles, […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Due to a miscalculation in the University’s budget, administrators announced Friday that they will implement major cutbacks throughout the campus – getting rid of “all unnecessary luxuries.” Students in Mitchell Hall Sunday night said that their doorknobs had all been replaced […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Due to popular demand, all DC bars will now carry Lo-Carb Watermelon Smirnoff Ice on tap. After a sharp drop in beer sales after January, local proprietors noticed a simultaneous spike in the consumption of what is known to many as […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. MC Rove, n?e Karl Rove, signed to Def Jam Records yesterday, announced label president Shawn Carter, better known as Jay-Z. The move ends weeks of speculation that the Deputy Chief of Staff to President Bush was looking for a career change […]
The sun has come out from behind the dismal clouds. Its radiance shines once again on our forlorn faces, reminding us how it feels to truly live again. That’s right, Good Charlotte is back! Joel and Benji, the Waldorf, Maryland Madden dream team, delivered an impassioned musical tour de force Friday night that left the […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. With her divorce and subsequent mental breakdown, Britney Spears has officially become too sad of a case to make fun of. “It’s like kicking a three-legged blind dog, or making fun of a retarded dwarf,” said one TreeKiller editor. Long a […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Billy Jean King was proud when the GW women’s basketball team defeated the men’s squad 77- 45 Saturday afternoon in front of a sold-out Smith Center. King, who is known for her victory over Bobby Riggs in the Battle of the […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The GW Treekiller obtained these AIM records of University President Supposedly Jobless Trachtenbye, who is a former congressman, and a GW student. Since these conversations were initially released, Trachtenbye resigned from his position saying he has an addiction to Manischewitz wine […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The sight of two boys kissing at GW isn’t a rare scene. GW’s campus is full of two males walking hand in hand or making out goodbye. It’s the sight of a boy and a girl kissing on campus that you […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. 1988: Pres-elect Stephen Joel Tractor 1989: Trachtorbutt 1990: Stephen Joel Trachtorbutt 1991: Skeevin’ Mole Smackherbutt 1992: Semen Gel Slappin’Her 1993: Billy Ray Trachtengerg 1995: Stir Jo Trakkenburk 1996: Stevie Ray Vaughan Tractorbutt 1997: Steven Testesburg 1998: Steven Jole Trachtenburgh 1999: Stevie […]