April 2, 2007

Volume 103, Issue 51

Stories from the April 2, 2007 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.

April Fool’s Issue: Univ. implements 0x40

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. In a drastic measure taken just months before he leaves office, University President Supposedly Jobless Trachtenbye said he is implementing a zero-by-40 class academic structure, set to begin next fall. “Something happens here at GW,” the outgoing president said. “We want […]

April Fool’s Issue: Wanna fuck?

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Nearing the commencement of his fourth year in college, Adam has learned quite a few things about sex. Adam, The Hatchet’s anonymous sex columnist, will share his observations and (sometimes dirty) thoughts about sex at GW with the population that fuels […]

April Fool’s Issue: Ads

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The following ads can be found in the Print issue:

April Fool’s Issue: Police seize primo bud

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The music, theater and freshman communities were shaken by tragedy this weekend when a vital shipment of marijuana was disrupted. At about 11 p.m. Saturday, more than 40 half-pound parcels of cannabis rained down on Potomac House, more commonly known as […]

April Fool’s Issue: Flava Flav to speak at Commencement

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. University officials announced that hip-hop artist and reality television show star Flava Flav will headline this year’s Commencement after receiving many complaints that a graduation speaker had not yet been publicized. “This speech is gonna be delishish,” Flav said, amid the […]

Volume up from down under: Love of Diagrams explore aesthetics, glorious noise

“If it doesn’t come naturally – it’s forced,” says Luke Horton, guitarist, vocalist and complimentary angle to Monika Fikerle and Antonia Sellbach, whom together form the inevitable triangle that is Melbourne-based Love of Diagrams. After opening for Ted Leo and the Pharmacists at the 930 Club last Thursday, Luke spoke with The Hatchet about the […]

April Fool’s Issue: SJT can’t bear to let go

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. After leaving the presidency April 1, Supposedly Jobless Trachtenbye decided against taking a year off, choosing instead to vie for a park bench with Old Man Schenley. Sources close to the at-one-point-outgoing leader said he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving […]

April Fool’s Issue: Glory holes in Gelman

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. It’s about time! The Gelman Library has slowly but surely been updating its infrastructure for GW students. An effective new student liaison is partly responsible for the improvements that deserve our praise. Student outreach has never been better, and as a […]

WEB EXTRA: Sebadoh: reuniting too soon

Indie rock isn’t cool. In a community thriving on pretension, sometimes it’s hard to remember this. Tuesday night at the 9:30 Club gave an uncomfortable reminder. Classic indie rock band Sebadoh brought a crowd that served as an unfriendly reminder. In checking out the crowd, the whole show seemed an excuse to gather everyone who […]

April Fool’s Issue: SJT: ‘I’m the baby-daddy’

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. University President Supposedly Jobless Trachtenbye announced yesterday that he is joining the scores of people claiming to be Anna Nicole Smith’s baby’s daddy. Other possible fathers include Michael Jackson, Scooter Libby, Bob Saget, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Treekiller sports editor […]