April 1, 2006

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. After decades of terrorist attacks from the Dying Geezers Association, GW completed its unilateral disengagement from the Western Strip of campus Wednesday morning. Later that day, University President Stealin’ Your Trachtenbucks fell into a coma on the way back to campus […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. A former student has filed a lawsuit against the University, arguing that GW violated his civil rights when it expelled him from school and barred him from campus because he suffered from a case of explosive diarrhea. In court documents obtained […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Citing malicious defamation, the United States Postal Service announced Tuesday that they would be taking legal steps to force a GW-based band, The Sunday Mail, to change its name. “Due to a heinously irresponsible title, this band has convinced what we […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. A half-year after Hurricane Katrina’s devastation in the Gulf, a new disaster has taken the country by storm, this time striking the nation’s capital. Hurricane Shaniqua struck Washington over the weekend, causing the Potomac River to overflow, reaching GW’s campus early […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Sunday, 7:15 p.m. I swore I’d stop taking Adderall. I was sick of overdrive digestion, sick of the shakes, sick of lying awake analyzing the aesthetic merits of “serifs” versus “sans-serif” font. I thought I’d never live down the experience of […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. In an unsurprising turn of events Wednesday, nearly all GW deans left their posts at the University’s various schools to take more lucrative positions at other universities. Among those who resigned their posts were interim deans of the Columbian College of […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. If you have $5 You have just enough money to take a metro ride into the heart of Southeast and come back, possibly. An entertaining day in D.C.’s lesser-known quadrant can include such exciting activities as gang shootouts, drug dealing and […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. We can’t make this shit up. Every Thursday The Bitchslap publishes the Crime Log, which documents incidents on campus reported to University Police during the previous week. Some of them are pretty funny. All of these are true entries – we […]

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.