Volume 102, Issue 52
Stories from the April 1, 2006 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Sunday, 7:15 p.m. I swore I’d stop taking Adderall. I was sick of overdrive digestion, sick of the shakes, sick of lying awake analyzing the aesthetic merits of “serifs” versus “sans-serif” font. I thought I’d never live down the experience of […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. In an unsurprising turn of events Wednesday, nearly all GW deans left their posts at the University’s various schools to take more lucrative positions at other universities. Among those who resigned their posts were interim deans of the Columbian College of […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. If you have $5 You have just enough money to take a metro ride into the heart of Southeast and come back, possibly. An entertaining day in D.C.’s lesser-known quadrant can include such exciting activities as gang shootouts, drug dealing and […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. We can’t make this shit up. Every Thursday The Bitchslap publishes the Crime Log, which documents incidents on campus reported to University Police during the previous week. Some of them are pretty funny. All of these are true entries – we […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. University administrators announced Wednesday that due to the construction of an irrigation system by the National Parks Service, May’s Commencement ceremony will be moved from the National Mall to Pentagon City Mall. The Monumental Celebration, an annual party for graduating seniors, […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Whhoaa whoa whoa holy shit I’m STARVING give me some motha’ fuckin’ PANCAKES!!!!! I mean, SHIT! Hey, hey hey you know I don’t speak Spanish! Hey can I get me some chickin with that? No? Not with pancakes? How about on […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Theater students will find a new course in this fall’s registration bulletin: Acting for Reality TV. The class, which is expected to fill quickly, was created because television trends indicate that by the time the class of 2009 graduates, there will […]
Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Reports confirm that an endangered species, the Singapore roundleaf horseshoe bat, has been found nesting in University President Stealin Your Trachtenbucks’ thick, white Jew-beard. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Services offered Trachtenbucks $1.50, a hunting trip with Vice President Dick Cheney […]