April 1, 2006

Volume 102, Issue 52

Stories from the April 1, 2006 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.

April Fools’ Issue: The Cartoon Controversy

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. In recent weeks, cartoons depicting GW President Stealing Your Trachtenbucks appeared in Israeli newspapers and ignited riots all over the world. You may be surprised to see these photos on the pages of the BitchSlap. While the editorial board feels that […]

April Fools’ Issue: Staff Editorial: Name your price: cash-money bitches!

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The “we’re right, you’re stupid” board is perennially derided for negativity in editorials. In response, the board has decided to offer positive editorials for sale. If you can meet the price, we can throw journalistic ethics out the window and spin […]

April Fools’ Issue: Hamas sweeps SA election

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. In response to years of ineptitude, petty infighting and uninspired campaign slogans, students voted overwhelmingly Wednesday to hand control of the Stickupyourass Association Senate to a distant militant Islamist organization. Just two months after securing a majority in the West Bank […]

April Fools’ Issue: Calendar

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Thursday Counseling center depression session Feeling blue? Come hang with the counseling center and share your secrets – we promise we won’t snitch … honest! Time: 4:20 p.m. Location: Woodhull House, 2033 G St. Sponsored by the University Police Department, Student […]

April Fools’ Issue: GW: You need to get FUCKED

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. This school needs to get fucked. That’s right. You are uptight. You need to loosen up a little. I know what you need. You need to get fucked. We all know that you haven’t been fucked in a while. Maybe you […]

April Fools’ Issue: GW disengages from FB; $JT in coma

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. After decades of terrorist attacks from the Dying Geezers Association, GW completed its unilateral disengagement from the Western Strip of campus Wednesday morning. Later that day, University President Stealin’ Your Trachtenbucks fell into a coma on the way back to campus […]

April Fools’ Issue: U.S. Postal Service sues the Sunday Mail

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Citing malicious defamation, the United States Postal Service announced Tuesday that they would be taking legal steps to force a GW-based band, The Sunday Mail, to change its name. “Due to a heinously irresponsible title, this band has convinced what we […]