Volume 101, Issue 53
Stories from the April 1, 2005 issue of the GW Hatchet. View a PDF version of this issue.
Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. Paris Hilton is slated to play Linda Lovelace in a remake of “Deep Throat,” drawing on what producer Jerry Bruckheimer calls “her fantastic abilities as both a thespian and a whore.” The 1972 film tells the touching tale of a woman whose […]
It all started back in 1992. The East Coast/West Coast battle between Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G was heating up when PBS NewsHour’s Jim Lehrer called the similarities “whack.” But at the time, the public just wouldn’t believe. More recently, the parallel between hip-hop and political feuds have made themselves painfully clear, as a polarized […]
Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. Students may sue after 4-RIDE Long Island trip Two GW sophomores have filed complaints against the 4-RIDE service after they were driven from D.C. to a Long Island mall. The driver left them at the corner instead of right at the door […]
Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. Maybe I could just get a prescription. It would be easy enough. Just go into the doctor’s office and start fiddling around with his cotton swabs and children’s books. “What? What did you say doc? Ha! Got your nose! Oh I’m sorry, […]
Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. The Chicano, The Jew and The Oriental are in a sandwich shop. No, it’s not the start of a racist joke. They’re the names of three new racist sandwiches at Coggins’, which is seeking to capitalize on the success of its popular […]
GELMAN is hOt@ sssssssssizzle izzlszless ~~~~~~~ ~ YEAH! HeY!- Get outta my Way – -ya JERk! GOD! Doesn’t anyone eat FritoS anymore? Noooo. Noooooo. We all want …. Dor -RI-TOS! With the big cheetah on the front. Yeah HiM! – ! @#. hEy, you com e ba ck here – CAT! I snuck a- a […]
Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. Reacting to a year in which teams in the Atlantic 10 Basketball Conference went 2-132 in non-conference play, the NCAA decided it was time to put the league conference in its proper place: exile. Now considered worse than a Division III league, […]
Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. Useless Po’Po’ officers are on the lookout for three women involved in separate public masturbation incidents that took place in Foggy Bottom last weekend. The most recent incident, which occurred at the International House, prompted UPD to post Public Safety Advisory notices […]
Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. GW’s Male Empowerment Mandate for Better Empathy and Rights (MEMBER) brought a controversial new play to campus. The Penis Monologues was part of a fundraiser to promote Y-chromosome organizations nationwide. “After The Vagina Monologues, we realized that men were being repressed,” said […]
Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. When freshman James Begley came to GW, he was happy to have a double room all to himself. But things took a drastic turn for the worst after winter break. “I just got back to find some hairy naked kid doing some […]