April 2, 2004

Volume 100, Issue 56

Stories from the April 2, 2004 issue of the GW Hatchet.

Spoof Issue: Fanny Fare makes comeback

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. Students will be able to eat kosher-for-Passover food year-round and dine on cotton candy once again, part of Smokingcrackamark’s plan to improve campus dining options. The Matzo-Way and Creamed Peachery will join J Street next month, and Jew-W will add a revamped […]

Spoof Issue: Georges caught in secret affair

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. Undersized Penis officers detained Big George and Little George after stumbling upon a sexual tryst between the two mascots in a Marvin Center bathroom Tuesday night. UPD Chief Brontosaurus Mullethead said the two mascots had been engaging in “freaky” sexual behavior in […]

Spoof Issue: GW students earn M.R.S.

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. On college campuses throughout the United States, student organizations have become more and more specialized, catering to the interests of every single social stratum of a university. These groups sometime combine academic studies and entertainment, such as The Boalt – “The O.C.” […]

Spoof Issue: Getting tickled by Bubbles

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. Friday night 2:47 a.m. The Mighty Mabel It wasn’t really as dark as I would have expected it to be. The red filters covering the lights not only lit the room adequately, but also set a very exotic tone for the whole […]

Spoof Issue: Student blabs on and on

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. A Jew-W student’s persistent in-class questions and comments are causing heightened levels of irritation in all of his courses, students said. Most class members say Mikey Looselips, a junior, is responsible for an average of 17 minutes worth of wasted time in […]

Spoof Issue: Feminist fruit gone sour

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. Is that a banana in your pants or are you just happy to see me? Well, we can answer with the utmost confidence that it is indeed a banana. Now, for the first time ever, a group of feminist artists called “Monkey […]

Spoof Issue: La Bouche for President

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. “We are the future of our country, and the only way to steer America on the right course is to have La Bouche at the helm, providing strong leadership, a clear vision for tomorrow and some dope beats,” says David Angelo, the […]

Spoof Issue: ‘The Passion of the Trachtenjews’: The Ivory Towers

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. “Why Fogey Bitching Association hath thou forsaken me?” With this famous last line from our savior, the screen fades to black, but the gruesome image of Steven Jesus TrachtenJew nailed to a golden column is one that does not fade so easily, […]