April 2, 2004

Volume 100, Issue 56

Stories from the April 2, 2004 issue of the GW Hatchet.

Spoof Issue: Feminist fruit gone sour

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. Is that a banana in your pants or are you just happy to see me? Well, we can answer with the utmost confidence that it is indeed a banana. Now, for the first time ever, a group of feminist artists called “Monkey […]

Spoof Issue: La Bouche for President

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. “We are the future of our country, and the only way to steer America on the right course is to have La Bouche at the helm, providing strong leadership, a clear vision for tomorrow and some dope beats,” says David Angelo, the […]

Spoof Issue: ‘The Passion of the Trachtenjews’: The Ivory Towers

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. “Why Fogey Bitching Association hath thou forsaken me?” With this famous last line from our savior, the screen fades to black, but the gruesome image of Steven Jesus TrachtenJew nailed to a golden column is one that does not fade so easily, […]

Spoof Issue: Kampf again

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. On the rialto, the second wave of the Third Reich will soon be goose-stepping across the boards. Broadway fans are heaving sighs of disbelief over the latest musical comedy to grace the Great White Way, “Mein Kampf, or How I Learned to […]

Spoof Issue: Do the right-wing thing: Spike Lee to direct Bush-Cheney campaign ads

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. Acclaimed director and black activist Spike Lee announced yesterday his intention to direct the next round of campaign advertisements championing President George W. Bush for reelection in 2004. “I was never interested in Spike’s movies much, but I finally rented ‘Do the […]

Spoof Issue: Killas, pimps given krunk-ass record deals

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. In a recent press release, Intascope Records outlined its new marketing strategy, the centerpiece of which is a minimum criminal rap sheet for all of its new hip-hop contracts. In the release, Interscope Vice President of Public Relations Chip Thompson said that […]

Spoof Issue: Editorial: You know you’re a GW tool if…

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue. * You are double majoring in political science and international affairs * You know what “MCGB” stands for * You kick people out of housing for smoking pot but smoke pot yourself * You are a student and have an office in […]