April 1, 2002

Volume 98, Issue 55

Stories from the April 1, 2002 issue of the GW Hatchet.

Neighbors declare jihad on GW

A suicide bomber from know terrorist group the Viagra Militia blew up the Extraneous School of Illicit Affairs building as part of a declaration of war against what they call GW’s “occupying forces.” “Enough is enough! We are going to teach GW that we will not take their invasion of our community lightly,” said Freakin […]

SAE, ZBT joins hazers anonymous

Several fraternities jumped up and kicked the University in the balls Friday when they announced at a press conference that they are starting an organization for fraternities that haze. “We’re tired of all this pussy fraternity shit,” said Snatches Are Excellent President Friday Focker. “You got questions, I’ve got answers. We haze the shit out […]

Japs protest CP loss, don black in protest

GW Japs declared a campus-wide month of mourning this week over the loss of Columbia Plaza as a viable housing option. The bitches announced they will wear all black on Friday and Saturday nights all month. “Like there’s a fucking surprise,” was the most common response from students. Others included: “Does mourning shed fat from […]