Volume 98, Issue 55
Stories from the April 1, 2002 issue of the GW Hatchet.
The GW music scene has long been defined by its proclivity for promoting what some would describe as pathetic-ass rock and no-talent ass-clowns that should shut their damn mouths. To combat this development, a new movement in rock has spawned, thrusting one GW band into the spotlight. Captain Blueballs and the Salty Sea Men are […]
Small-crowd-pleasing acoustic rocker Sadam Richmen chose to forego the financially secure future a college degree promises and instead go on tour around the country playing small crowds of undergraduates. Last seen at GW’s Fuck Fest, where he performed for a record crowd of 13 people, Richmen was a campus mainstay, forcing his pleasant, poppy folk-rock […]
Cruising for Sex Umm… two days ago? 0200 hours My weekend starts on Thursday night, much like the rest of GW. I paint on my black pants, fasten my halter, slip on my slingbacks and chug a few Smirnoff Ices before heading out to the clubs. A good night for me consists of five free […]
GW sophomore makes an unlikely revolutionary. Clad in boxers and a “Big Johnson” T-shirt, he sits in his small studio apartment his bathrobe cast conspicuously across the floor. Piles of videos lay by the television and a collapsed easel lays broken on the ground, a testament to Heart’s uncompromising artistic style. This is the man […]
What’s all this fuss about sweatshops? Let’s talk economics. The clothes we wear are cheap because of sweatshops. Yeah, yeah – little people in other countries work hours a day under terrible conditions. So do we at The Snatchet, and we don’t complain. You want to buy American? Then do it. Pay the price. Bitch […]
Damn it! They are cheap enough now, so buy one already. We at The Snatchet are talking about cell phones. Not only are they cheap, they are free in many cases. So claiming that they are too expensive simply won’t cut it anymore. Holding out because you’re fundamentally against the idea of having a wireless […]
Following the box office and critical success of A Beautiful Mind, Hollywood studios are rushing to release a number of other heartwarming movies based on the lives of famous psychopaths. And following director Ron Howard and producer Brian Glazer’s trailblazing move while making A Beautiful Mind, studio execs are not bothering to actually read any […]
I would say I read the paper frequently, and I do so with great interest. But would it be possible to refrain from being so offensive. I mean just because it’s April Fool’s Day doesn’t mean that you should be funny. I basically take offense to just about anything involving drugs, alcohol, race, sex, religion, […]
Editor’s note: The following is not to be read by my mother, grandmother or sweet neighbor Elizabeth. Some of you are tired of hearing about our snatch. You’d rather enjoy it immediately without the commentary or details of its complexities. But that’s life, so let me tell you about it anyway, because our snatch can […]
Just want to give a big shout-out to all my devoted fans at GW who still believe in me through all my troubles. Life is decent here. The food ain’t that bad, but the guys have gone nuts finding new ways to use broom handles. Your fan mail has helped me through it. I hear […]