April 1, 2002

Volume 98, Issue 55

Stories from the April 1, 2002 issue of the GW Hatchet.

TRL to battle CNN

In a bid to compete with CNN’s Crunchtire, MTV executives have decided to move TRL to GW permanently. “We wanted to get something for the lame kids as well as the poli-sci nerds,” said University President Steely Dan Truckasaurus. The show will be broadcast from the Terrace in J Street. Lame-obsessed young people with nothing […]

Arts: GW sex scandel revealed

Merely minutes after the announcement of the tragic breakup of Justin Timberlake and the vivacious Britney Spears, the pop-diva cum legitimate film star was spotted in J Street making come-hither glances at GW’s number one policy wonk, Posh Swinger. But almost as soon as word spread of Swinger’s sexual victory, campus sources reported a sea […]

Crime Report

Liquor Law Violation 3/18 Livetostudy Hall A Community Fornicator smelled orange juice on the seventh floor. An administrative search was conducted, and an empty bottle of Fresh Samantha orange juice was confiscated. Orange juice is the latest addition to the list of beverages forbidden by the CLLC, because “if you leave it out too long […]

THE BAR HO: Ho gets fucked up

Well girls, the weather is warming up outside and you know what that means – time to get slutty! Needing to break free from the winter blahs last Thursday, the Barhoe traded her black pants for a booty-baring miniskirt and hit the town for some springtime fun. Ready to party, she went searching for just […]

The original Snatch opens up

Like everyone at the George Washington University, we here at the Snatchet hold high a proud tradition of borrowed names, likenesses and fabricated traditions associated with this country’s great forefathers who had nothing to do with, nor would ever want to be associated with, some piddly second-tier school located in the armpit of our nation’s […]

Salty Sea Men conquers GW

The GW music scene has long been defined by its proclivity for promoting what some would describe as pathetic-ass rock and no-talent ass-clowns that should shut their damn mouths. To combat this development, a new movement in rock has spawned, thrusting one GW band into the spotlight. Captain Blueballs and the Salty Sea Men are […]

GW singer Sadam Richmen eats from dumpster

Small-crowd-pleasing acoustic rocker Sadam Richmen chose to forego the financially secure future a college degree promises and instead go on tour around the country playing small crowds of undergraduates. Last seen at GW’s Fuck Fest, where he performed for a record crowd of 13 people, Richmen was a campus mainstay, forcing his pleasant, poppy folk-rock […]

D.C. Diary: Cruisin’ for sexxx

Cruising for Sex Umm… two days ago? 0200 hours My weekend starts on Thursday night, much like the rest of GW. I paint on my black pants, fasten my halter, slip on my slingbacks and chug a few Smirnoff Ices before heading out to the clubs. A good night for me consists of five free […]

Ejaculate art comes from the heart

GW sophomore makes an unlikely revolutionary. Clad in boxers and a “Big Johnson” T-shirt, he sits in his small studio apartment his bathrobe cast conspicuously across the floor. Piles of videos lay by the television and a collapsed easel lays broken on the ground, a testament to Heart’s uncompromising artistic style. This is the man […]