April 2, 2001

Volume 97, Issue 55

Stories from the April 2, 2001 issue of the GW Hatchet.

NEWS BRIEF: Shrub visits GW, thanks Vader supporters

Before attending a Helta Tau Skelta political party, President George W. Shrub spoke to the GW Collard Greens thanking them from the “bottom of (his soulless, black) heart” for getting him elected. “Yee-haw! If it weren’t for your efforts, this wouldn’t have been possible,” Shrub said. “Hell, y’all made the difference in Florida.” In particular, […]

UPD on patrol: we don’t make this shit up

Green lights flash. The silence of the night is shattered by squawking radios, “32, what’s your 10-20? 32? 32? Big Dawg! Where the fuck are you?” Just another Newagehippiesmokinup Hall drug raid. Just another Wednesday night for the intrepid gumshoes of the Universally Pointless Dopes. Tonight began like any other in Foggy Bottom. Big Dawg […]

EXTRA WEB SHIT: A-Team joins fight against GW

The Swamp Ass Association unilaterally agreed Friday to employ the assistance of the A-Team, hoping to force GW to cease and desist its planned expansions and current projects into the surrounding neighborhood. The resident association has long resisted University efforts to expand in all directions. They argue GW expansion undermines the historical character of the […]

CLLC adds hourly option

The Allen Lee, located at 2300 F Street, represents the latest attempt by administrators at Complete with Lice, Leeches and Cockroaches to provide diverse solutions for students dangling on housing waiting lists. The program, set to begin in fall 2001, allows students to occupy rooms at an hourly rate. “The real benefits of the program […]

U. Maryland wins Bhanghra Blowout

By Alex Kingsbury & Jane Smith U-WIRE Washington Bureau April 2, 2001 A raucous crowd of 4,000 students cheered on the University of Maryland to their first victory at the 8th annual Bhangra Blowout in Washington’s sold out D.A.R. Constitution Hall Saturday night. The charity event, sponsored by the George Washington University’s South Asian Society, […]

Mullet chats with campus celebrity

GW has the fortune of hosting many famous figures on campus, from presidents to midget wrestlers (boy, they’re loads of fun, aren’t they, just say it with me, “midget wrestlers.” OK back to this shitty story my editors were too lazy to assign to someone else). But for the past seven years, the GW community […]

Mul-let-ol-o-gy (n.) – the study of all things mullet

GW erected a majestic tribute to mulletkind earlier this year, the Alxxndreq Pshurokni Mullet statue accompanied with a bronzed Pegathraxica, the God and ruling authority of mulletfolk, unveiled in honor of GW’s own $36,000 mullets. Few are aware that Pushkin, distinguished author and poet, was the leader of the Bolshevik Muuletskis. This elite group of […]

GWacked swipes couch

Members of the Gone Wasted to All my College Klasses and am Especially Dumb (GWacked) have taken their first hostage by capturing a leather sofa from the Hippodumb last month. “We’re doing this to protest the murder of all of those innocent calves,” said deputy sheriff of GWacked Bumpkin Politico, who was sporting a new […]