April 2, 2001

Volume 97, Issue 55

Stories from the April 2, 2001 issue of the GW Hatchet.

Dude, where’s my Oscar?

The Oscars are usually the year’s most prestigious and honored prize in mainstream cinema. But this year’s awards ceremony failed to recognize the truly unique and important films of the year, opting instead for such uninspired and banal films as Gladiator and Traffic. Early in the ceremony, Gladiator took the award for Visual Effects while […]

Napster supporters lobby Congress

By Alex Kingsbury U-WIRE Washington Bureau April 4, 2001 A line of hundreds of bleary-eyed, yawning college students waited outside My Brother’s Place restaurant on Capitol Hill on Tuesday as part of a lobby day organized by the music swapping organization Napster. “We didn’t have to wait too long,” said George Washington University freshman Kristina […]

The Penis Monologues hits hard in a local D.C. bathhouse

On Friday, an expectant crowd packed itself tightly into the rear of local bathhouse, The Sweaty Bottom, to witness the first-ever performance of The Penis Monologues by one of the bathhouse’s members. The Mullet was there, ready and waiting, to handle this member. Meanwhile, in a local church, the cast of The Vagina Monologues twitched […]

GW Mullet editors, CFs form union

GW Mullet editors, claiming extra responsibilities and office sexual harassment made their jobs unbearable, announced Friday intent to align with Cuminyour Facers and graduate teaching assistants in a union that hopes to receive backing from the United Plumbing Association. “The job is not for everyone,” said Mullet Editor-in-Chief Thebitch Hurtme, adding that long hours and […]

STOPLIGHT: J Street worker spits before you swallow

He serves thousands of students a day in J Street. He’s been around for years. He is the one with the giant afro-mullet with six gold combs sticking out. He is Ty-foid Tyron Jennings. Jennings is better known to students as Ty-foid because he never washes his hands. Several disease outbreaks on campus have been […]

Dildo in my eye

I am shocked and appalled that The Mullet would print the word “dildo.” Being a feminist fundamentalist, I find dildos offensive and wish to say shame on you for printing the word dildo. The Mullet can maintain its journalistic integrity without printing dildo or other similarly offensive words. You do not see fit to print […]

NOT GOOD ‘NUFF: IM Harasses Students

Students have complained about a user of AOL Instant Messenger who is harassing female students. The culprit, whose screen name is BigStudSJT69, claims to be a GW administrator. “He’s a creep!” said junior Julie Hoolie, whose screen name is SororityChickGDub. “He IMed me out of nowhere and wanted to know what I was wearing. Yuck!” […]

Students still sloshed

Weeks after the change from Coca-Cola to Budweiser in all campus drink machines, students are still feeling the buzz. “Err . what u askin’ me?” a junior who could not remember his name said. “I’m so drunk. Man isn’t that J Street worker HOT! She can take my order!” The switch to Budweiser from Coca-Cola […]

B is for blowjob

In the interest of academic freedom, I should be able to say and do whatever I want in my classroom. If I want to teach constitutional law in my birthday suit, no administrator or feminist windbag is going to stop me. I am protected by due process and the Faculty Code, not to mention an […]

Alice DeeJay voted the absolutely best techno-trance-a-tronica band

In the greatest triumph of techno artistry to date, the International Amalgated Union of Techno Enthusiasts declared Alice DeeJay the greatest techno-trance-a-tronica band in the free world. “We’ve been to a lot of raves,” says 13-year-old Corey Reamer, president of IAUTE. “And if there’s a band that truly embodies the spirit of a bunch of […]