April 2, 2001

Members of the Gone Wasted to All my College Klasses and am Especially Dumb (GWacked) have taken their first hostage by capturing a leather sofa from the Hippodumb last month. “We’re doing this to protest the murder of all of those innocent calves,” said deputy sheriff of GWacked Bumpkin Politico, who was sporting a new […]

By Alex Kingsbury U-WIRE Washington Bureau April 3, 2001 John McCain and Russell Feingold’s campaign finance reform bill passed the Senate 59-41 Monday, but the senators are not popping open champagne bottles just yet. The battle for the measure to be passed by the House of Representatives promises to be more difficult and potentially fatal […]

Tupac Shakur’s maggot-infested corpse rose from its grave again last Friday to return to the studios and record yet another double LP of previously unreleased tracks. Dead Thug: The Second Coming contains new hardcore rhymes telling about his rough time coming up in the south side of his LA cemetary. Tracks like “Zombie Niggaz be […]

By Zeb Eckert U-WIRE Washington Bureau April 3, 2001 The resignation of San Jose Mercury News Publisher Jay Harris last month should be a reminder to newspapers nationwide of the volatile mix that comes with meeting budget demands and journalistic standards, according to newspaper editors who joined Marvin Kalb for Monday night’s “Kalb Report.” “The […]

The Oscars are usually the year’s most prestigious and honored prize in mainstream cinema. But this year’s awards ceremony failed to recognize the truly unique and important films of the year, opting instead for such uninspired and banal films as Gladiator and Traffic. Early in the ceremony, Gladiator took the award for Visual Effects while […]

By Alex Kingsbury U-WIRE Washington Bureau April 4, 2001 A line of hundreds of bleary-eyed, yawning college students waited outside My Brother’s Place restaurant on Capitol Hill on Tuesday as part of a lobby day organized by the music swapping organization Napster. “We didn’t have to wait too long,” said George Washington University freshman Kristina […]

On Friday, an expectant crowd packed itself tightly into the rear of local bathhouse, The Sweaty Bottom, to witness the first-ever performance of The Penis Monologues by one of the bathhouse’s members. The Mullet was there, ready and waiting, to handle this member. Meanwhile, in a local church, the cast of The Vagina Monologues twitched […]

GW Mullet editors, claiming extra responsibilities and office sexual harassment made their jobs unbearable, announced Friday intent to align with Cuminyour Facers and graduate teaching assistants in a union that hopes to receive backing from the United Plumbing Association. “The job is not for everyone,” said Mullet Editor-in-Chief Thebitch Hurtme, adding that long hours and […]

He serves thousands of students a day in J Street. He’s been around for years. He is the one with the giant afro-mullet with six gold combs sticking out. He is Ty-foid Tyron Jennings. Jennings is better known to students as Ty-foid because he never washes his hands. Several disease outbreaks on campus have been […]

I am shocked and appalled that The Mullet would print the word “dildo.” Being a feminist fundamentalist, I find dildos offensive and wish to say shame on you for printing the word dildo. The Mullet can maintain its journalistic integrity without printing dildo or other similarly offensive words. You do not see fit to print […]