April 2, 2001

Volume 97, Issue 55

Stories from the April 2, 2001 issue of the GW Hatchet.

Glassblowing class gains popularity at GW

The Art Department’s new Glassblowing for Beginners class has gained popularity over the last year, Art Department Chair Exhippie McSellout said. “The students are very enthusiastic about the class,” says Wesley Willis, who teaches the class. “But they are always forgetting things, like due dates.” The class was first offered in the fall, McSellout said, […]

Staff Editorial: Eat shit

We here at The Mullet want to raise awareness. GW students, those lazy, apathetic wretches who only seem to get their panties in a twist when the line at Einstein Bros. is too long or someone gets a better deal on pizza from Papa John’s, are famous for … OK, we recognize that GW is […]

GW cuts 4-Ride service

Students who call the University escort service 4-RIDE for a ride from one on-campus locations to another must use the Colonial Express Shuttle if they are near a shuttle stop starting this week, said Dolores Stafford, director of University Police. “During peak hours students going from one building to another on the shuttle route will […]

Bush pals win teaching jobs

In a plan to acclimate GW students to real-life politics and boost GW rankings, the University announced a number of new political science classes for the 2001-2002 school year. The most high-profile of the courses lie in the new Compassionate-Conservative concentration to be taught by Bush cabinet officials. Classes in the new curriculum include “Destroying […]

Mullet editors give final salute to Bitch Hurtme:

Fitter, happier, more productive Never paying for food With a Mullet belly so seductive Thurston 15 where are you? You slapped our asses And yelled “Whoa Nelly” We gave you notes for classes Production weekends were smelly The king of beer pong Dethroned by CORE luck Office morale remained strong Until Mullet Bowl IX, “you […]

NEWS BRIEF: Shrub visits GW, thanks Vader supporters

Before attending a Helta Tau Skelta political party, President George W. Shrub spoke to the GW Collard Greens thanking them from the “bottom of (his soulless, black) heart” for getting him elected. “Yee-haw! If it weren’t for your efforts, this wouldn’t have been possible,” Shrub said. “Hell, y’all made the difference in Florida.” In particular, […]

UPD on patrol: we don’t make this shit up

Green lights flash. The silence of the night is shattered by squawking radios, “32, what’s your 10-20? 32? 32? Big Dawg! Where the fuck are you?” Just another Newagehippiesmokinup Hall drug raid. Just another Wednesday night for the intrepid gumshoes of the Universally Pointless Dopes. Tonight began like any other in Foggy Bottom. Big Dawg […]

EXTRA WEB SHIT: A-Team joins fight against GW

The Swamp Ass Association unilaterally agreed Friday to employ the assistance of the A-Team, hoping to force GW to cease and desist its planned expansions and current projects into the surrounding neighborhood. The resident association has long resisted University efforts to expand in all directions. They argue GW expansion undermines the historical character of the […]

CLLC adds hourly option

The Allen Lee, located at 2300 F Street, represents the latest attempt by administrators at Complete with Lice, Leeches and Cockroaches to provide diverse solutions for students dangling on housing waiting lists. The program, set to begin in fall 2001, allows students to occupy rooms at an hourly rate. “The real benefits of the program […]