April 1, 2000

Volume 96, Issue 53

Stories from the April 1, 2000 issue of the GW Hatchet.

Handy Tips for Getting Maximum Protection from University Police

-from your not-so-friendly UPD officers – If you need protection, call two hours before anything happens. If we’re not on a lunch, coffee, bathroom or donut break or harassing the homeless, we’ll be with you in a few hours. – If you need an escort van, call four hours in advance. Be sure to be […]

The Barbelle: Fraternity House

Bar: Fraternity House Where: You all know Crowd: frat boys and sorority girls Getting In: show them your boobs and you’re a shoo-in Prices: free (if you show them your boobs) Food: are you kidding? Dancing: I guess you could call it that Pick-ups: they’ll pick you up and take you anywhere you want to […]

Phil Meisjerk sells University to AOL

A month before starting to serve on the Marvin Center Whining Board, Phil Meisjerk has already been impeached for attempting to sell the University to America Online. Meisjerk held a press conference Sunday at J Street to announce that he was disbanding the University and selling off the property and the student body as laborers […]

`Making the Girl’ reveals how to be the next Britney

You’ve seen Making the Band. It’s the show where a few special guys are selected to become the next boy-band sensation. And you knew this show would follow close behind. It’s Making of the Girl. And anyone can be the next Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera or Mandy Moore. However, the producer of the show, Aaron […]

U.S. Prez takes a drunken tour of Foggy Bottom campus

U.S. President Bill Clinton engaged in a drunken rampage through campus Friday before eventually making his way to Georgetown, where he woke up naked early Saturday morning. White House Secret Service reported that the president hopped over the fence surrounding the White House lawn at about 10:30 p.m. Friday night and stole a Domino’s Pizza […]

Wu-Tang Clan mixes rap and boy-band sound for success

There were signs hip-hop was selling out. By the end of 1997, even Martha Stewart had a copy of Puff Daddy’s No Way Out. By the end of 1999, Jay-Z had everybody shaking to his rendition of Hard Knocks Life from Annie. So when the Wu-Tang Clan’s Wu-Street Boys record crushed N SYNC’s No Strings […]

The SA’s secret sexy stories

With no Levi Strauss parties to occupy Friday and Saturday nights, many SA insiders have found themselves out of the loop this year. So, as a service to you, the devoted readers of our impeccable SA coverage (yes, all seven of you who actually read and care about the SA), The GW Crotch-Itch brings you […]

Classifieds (3/30)

Classified Ads Automotive Help Wanted Announcements Adoptions Personal Services Opportunities Day Care Summer Jobs Housing Offered Housing Wanted Roommates Health Services Travel Tutoring Housing-website

Poetry Corner

Adios, our Italian tyrant: a farewell to DiMeglio Four years ago a girl named Fran Set foot on Foggy Bottom Balls in hand, with Mafia connections She went out to set shit straight Four years later A force to be reckoned with From frat house to frat house She earned the title Big Fran GW […]