April 1, 2000

Volume 96, Issue 53

Stories from the April 1, 2000 issue of the GW Hatchet.

Staff editorial: We’re assholes

In an effort to shed our image as a bunch of bleeding-heart liberals, we at The Crotch-Itch have in the past lashed out against the Graduate Teaching Assistants and Adjuncts Alliance and suggested that bums should be shot on sight. The underlying message in these editorials is that we don’t care about the insane and […]

More `In the buff’ David Holt

It’s been a rocky year for the David Holt fan club. We’ve had members drop out, but we’ve picked up a few along the way. The devoted fans are in constant awe of the associate sports editor and the man – David Holt. Included in the new membership packets, an autographed sports column, ticket for […]

The Love Song of J. Otis Townfrock

The Love Song of J. Otis Townfrock by Mike Bocchini with apologies to T.S. Eliot Let us go to the Marvin Center, you and IWhen the evening is spread out against the sky Like an unconscious freshman on the bathroom floor; Let us go through certain unnamed buildings, XX and New HallTo J Street lines […]

Inside the mind of an SA discontent

Daylight savings time is back, and I’m pissed off. Not only does it mean days that seem to go on forever, it also means I lost an hour – a whole hour – during the transition. Most people would blame Canada or those lousy farmers, but not me. I know who’s behind this daylight savings […]

FBI opens investigation into GW’s Smith Center Mafia

After a FOX-5 report that aired last week, the Federal Bureau of Investigation has opened an inquiry into the so-called Smith Center Mafia, the Bureau announced Friday. FOX-5 discovered that although ostensibly, the GW athletic department was full of competent, easygoing and friendly employees, something sinister appeared to lurk underneath. The station found evidence that […]

Brown scores 100, GW loses 160-102

Freshman guard SirShootalot Brown amazed the packed Smith Center Thursday night with a 43-for-120 shooting performance that netted the nation’s leading scorer 100 points. Despite Brown’s record-shattering performance, the Colonials fell to Duquesne, 160-102. I always said, once I get my shootin’ thang on, ain’t no stoppin’ me, said Brown, who then started crying because […]


(footballFlorida State 17GW 20) NEW ORLEANS, LA. – Finally. After waiting 110 years, the George Washington University took home its first football championship Sunday night when the No. 1-ranked Colonials (12-0) pulled out a heart-stopping 20-17 win over the Seminoles from No. 2 Florida State University (11-1) in the Nokia Sugar Bowl. When the polls […]

Sports Briefs

Boxer Briefs Ultimate Frisbee team hit with NCAA sanctions The fallout continues after a New York Times expos? revealed in February that ultimate Frisbee player Better vanNookin’ held a Beer Blast at his apartment in January. The NCAA announced in Indianapolis, Ind., Friday that the Hungry, Hungry Hippos will not be allowed to appear on […]

Trustees to decide coach’s fate

The Board of Trustees met into the wee hours of the morning late Sunday night to discuss the fate of the men’s water polo coach after another disappointing year. Powerful alumni, working behind the scenes in August of 1999, made their feelings clear to the administration that if the GW program did not shape up […]