April 1, 2000

Volume 96, Issue 53

Stories from the April 1, 2000 issue of the GW Hatchet.

Wild Beasts invade plagued Aston Hall

The residents of Aston Hall, undoubtedly the most beleaguered of GW’s dorms, are certainly hoping for their Moses to rescue them from the depths of Pharaoh’s hell. After being pummeled with plague after plague, can a mass exodus to the Promised Land (i.e. New Hall) be that far off? First it was the infamous winter-break […]

I know more than you

As a concerned Foggy Bottom resident of the past eight months and a former editor, I am writing about the poor quality of The GW Crotch-Itch. In the Golden Era of The Critch-Itch, we was good at spelling and grammar. We knew a lot more stuff too. We were funnier, better looking and more humble. […]

Staff editorial: We’re assholes

In an effort to shed our image as a bunch of bleeding-heart liberals, we at The Crotch-Itch have in the past lashed out against the Graduate Teaching Assistants and Adjuncts Alliance and suggested that bums should be shot on sight. The underlying message in these editorials is that we don’t care about the insane and […]

More `In the buff’ David Holt

It’s been a rocky year for the David Holt fan club. We’ve had members drop out, but we’ve picked up a few along the way. The devoted fans are in constant awe of the associate sports editor and the man – David Holt. Included in the new membership packets, an autographed sports column, ticket for […]

The Love Song of J. Otis Townfrock

The Love Song of J. Otis Townfrock by Mike Bocchini with apologies to T.S. Eliot Let us go to the Marvin Center, you and IWhen the evening is spread out against the sky Like an unconscious freshman on the bathroom floor; Let us go through certain unnamed buildings, XX and New HallTo J Street lines […]

Inside the mind of an SA discontent

Daylight savings time is back, and I’m pissed off. Not only does it mean days that seem to go on forever, it also means I lost an hour – a whole hour – during the transition. Most people would blame Canada or those lousy farmers, but not me. I know who’s behind this daylight savings […]

FBI opens investigation into GW’s Smith Center Mafia

After a FOX-5 report that aired last week, the Federal Bureau of Investigation has opened an inquiry into the so-called Smith Center Mafia, the Bureau announced Friday. FOX-5 discovered that although ostensibly, the GW athletic department was full of competent, easygoing and friendly employees, something sinister appeared to lurk underneath. The station found evidence that […]

Brown scores 100, GW loses 160-102

Freshman guard SirShootalot Brown amazed the packed Smith Center Thursday night with a 43-for-120 shooting performance that netted the nation’s leading scorer 100 points. Despite Brown’s record-shattering performance, the Colonials fell to Duquesne, 160-102. I always said, once I get my shootin’ thang on, ain’t no stoppin’ me, said Brown, who then started crying because […]

NATIONAL CHAMPS

(footballFlorida State 17GW 20) NEW ORLEANS, LA. – Finally. After waiting 110 years, the George Washington University took home its first football championship Sunday night when the No. 1-ranked Colonials (12-0) pulled out a heart-stopping 20-17 win over the Seminoles from No. 2 Florida State University (11-1) in the Nokia Sugar Bowl. When the polls […]