April 1, 2000

Volume 96, Issue 53

Stories from the April 1, 2000 issue of the GW Hatchet.

Phil Meisjerk sells University to AOL

A month before starting to serve on the Marvin Center Whining Board, Phil Meisjerk has already been impeached for attempting to sell the University to America Online. Meisjerk held a press conference Sunday at J Street to announce that he was disbanding the University and selling off the property and the student body as laborers […]

`Making the Girl’ reveals how to be the next Britney

You’ve seen Making the Band. It’s the show where a few special guys are selected to become the next boy-band sensation. And you knew this show would follow close behind. It’s Making of the Girl. And anyone can be the next Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera or Mandy Moore. However, the producer of the show, Aaron […]

U.S. Prez takes a drunken tour of Foggy Bottom campus

U.S. President Bill Clinton engaged in a drunken rampage through campus Friday before eventually making his way to Georgetown, where he woke up naked early Saturday morning. White House Secret Service reported that the president hopped over the fence surrounding the White House lawn at about 10:30 p.m. Friday night and stole a Domino’s Pizza […]

Wu-Tang Clan mixes rap and boy-band sound for success

There were signs hip-hop was selling out. By the end of 1997, even Martha Stewart had a copy of Puff Daddy’s No Way Out. By the end of 1999, Jay-Z had everybody shaking to his rendition of Hard Knocks Life from Annie. So when the Wu-Tang Clan’s Wu-Street Boys record crushed N SYNC’s No Strings […]

The SA’s secret sexy stories

With no Levi Strauss parties to occupy Friday and Saturday nights, many SA insiders have found themselves out of the loop this year. So, as a service to you, the devoted readers of our impeccable SA coverage (yes, all seven of you who actually read and care about the SA), The GW Crotch-Itch brings you […]

Classifieds (3/30)

Classified Ads Automotive Help Wanted Announcements Adoptions Personal Services Opportunities Day Care Summer Jobs Housing Offered Housing Wanted Roommates Health Services Travel Tutoring Housing-website

Poetry Corner

Adios, our Italian tyrant: a farewell to DiMeglio Four years ago a girl named Fran Set foot on Foggy Bottom Balls in hand, with Mafia connections She went out to set shit straight Four years later A force to be reckoned with From frat house to frat house She earned the title Big Fran GW […]

Classifieds (4/3)

Classified Ads Automotive Help Wanted Adoptions Personal Services Opportunities Day Care Summer Jobs Housing Offered Housing Wanted Roommates Health Services Services-General Travel Tutoring Housing-website

Top-10 Lists

Top 10 places the Marvin Center armed robbers are hiding: 10. Mount Vernon 9. Ed Meinert’s jail cell8. Manoush’s hot dog stand7. Rice Hall 8026. Under Peter Konwerski’s pony tail5. The Al-Len Lee4. Matt Berger’s bus3. Marvin Center bathrooms2. Georgetown University1. UPD Top 10 reasons former IFC Dictator Sex Blueberg should have been among the […]

News Briefs

Holt shocks the world, writes about women’s sports Dave Dolt, GW Hatchet associate sports editor, shocked readers and friends alike after writing a column about women’s basketball in Monday’s Hatchet. That frickin’ trader, I knew he’d turn on me one day, men’s basketball Coach Tommy Pending said. I don’t pay this kid to write about […]