All good things have to come to an end, don’t they? I have been dreading this column for ages. Something about jamming four years of nostalgic memories into this small space, which got smaller when we started to advertise for replacements. My first idea for this column was to thank everyone who helped me learn […]
Did you see the ad last week? The GW Hatchet is taking applications for a replacement page two columnist. I am, after all, hopefully graduating and being upsized from this job. So in order to help the new editorial board make its decision about my replacement, I conducted some interviews this week with various campus […]
Well, it’s official. This University is being FedExed to hell. You don’t believe me? I present my case: Exhibit 1: A group is attempting to put together funds to have Marion Barry teach at the consortium of D.C. colleges – including this one. I repeat: Marion Barry might be your teacher. Just picture it. You […]
I have a confession to make. I lied about my house burning down. I lied in order to gain sympathy from my ex-girlfriend. I thought that if she felt enough pity for me in my time of tragedy and need, it would help us get back together. I mean, who wouldn’t want me. Just look […]
I’m a little worried about tonight. And quite frankly, everybody else also should be. Well yeah, that worry itches about whether or not “Ally McBeal” will be a new episode. I have that worry every week. But this Monday will bring about the biggest, scariest, Jonestown-esque mass suicide that this world will ever know. Think […]
I’ve got a problem. The staff of The GW Hatchet gets positively overwhelmed with the massive volume of mail sent to me on a weekly basis. Unfortunately, my administrative staff has been downsized, so this week, instead of a column, I must answer my mail. Anonymous writes: Dear Tryg, I wrote a play entitled “Stay” […]
Ah, February in Washington – the weather is warm, the interns are ready and the cherry blossoms are imminent. Spring is sprung, the grass is risen. I wonder where the ballpark is. With the generous assistance of El Ni?o, we’ve been enjoying an Indian spring, which gets me itchy for the thing that I itch […]
I love the Olympics. The Games offer such an interesting dichotomy – athletes’ attitudes at the beginning and end of the Games. In the beginning, everybody looks so cocky and cool. They all think they’re going to win, but never actually say so. They all say, “I’m just happy to compete in the Games and […]
Take a knee Men, it’s going to be a long week. Before it begins, I believe we all need to pray together. We need a moment of silence for all our fallen comrades. Remember this moment, because by the end of this week, some of you might not be here. We all have our battles […]
The elections are coming! The elections are coming! Be afraid. Be very afraid. Soon our fair campus will be inundated by palmcards, posters, masking tape and blowhards who think they’re important. Oh yeah, there’s the decision of which moron to elect to take on the administration this year. This year’s candidates are no exception. Rumored […]