Rob Hertzfeld

Stripping into the sunset

This is my last Hatchet article, my terminus Oedipus rexus. I will not scribble for this rag again as long as my chest beats on this Godforsaken patch of earth called Foggy Bottom. So says I. So says my God. So says my Hatchet editor, Helder “Satan” Gil. For this elegy I was going to […]

A talk with an old love interest

Okay kiddies, I have given you, my faithful readers, several columns in which I have poured out my heart and soul, recounting a history of my foiled love attempts. This column will be no different, I shall tell you all about yet another relationship that crashed and burned long before it ever took off. Back […]

My attempt at Mideast understanding

I DIDN’T WRITE MONDAY’S COLUMN. Those Hatchet fools parodied me. However, this is a real COLUMN by me and it is all about bombings. This is serious stuff so if you want a laugh, go run naked through J Street. I recently read in the paper we were considering bombing Iraq before some commie African […]

How the other two-thirds of GW live

Okay. We all know about the winners at GW. This institution is quick to advertise the success stories. We hear about those honor students. We hear how they enjoy doing more challenging work than the rest of us. We hear how they numb their Ivy-envy by sitting around in their row house reading Chaucer and […]

Humbled by professor, and then a talk with GW’s big men

To entertain my family of readers this week, I was going to publicly torch a professor I felt had wronged me. Unfortunately, my mother told me to talk to him first. So I gathered up my Gatt, my nine, my Dick Tracy recording equipment and my Roy Rogers butterfly knife and went to his office […]

Returning home and hiding indoors

When I am home for the holidays, I like to stay indoors and out of the public as much as possible. When I go out, there is a lot of confusion. First of all, when you come from a small town like I do, every time you walk outside, it is like a trip down […]