This is my last Hatchet article, my terminus Oedipus rexus. I will not scribble for this rag again as long as my chest beats on this Godforsaken patch of earth called Foggy Bottom. So says I. So says my God. So says my Hatchet editor, Helder “Satan” Gil. For this elegy I was going to […]
Okay kiddies, I have given you, my faithful readers, several columns in which I have poured out my heart and soul, recounting a history of my foiled love attempts. This column will be no different, I shall tell you all about yet another relationship that crashed and burned long before it ever took off. Back […]
I DIDN’T WRITE MONDAY’S COLUMN. Those Hatchet fools parodied me. However, this is a real COLUMN by me and it is all about bombings. This is serious stuff so if you want a laugh, go run naked through J Street. I recently read in the paper we were considering bombing Iraq before some commie African […]
Okay. We all know about the winners at GW. This institution is quick to advertise the success stories. We hear about those honor students. We hear how they enjoy doing more challenging work than the rest of us. We hear how they numb their Ivy-envy by sitting around in their row house reading Chaucer and […]
To entertain my family of readers this week, I was going to publicly torch a professor I felt had wronged me. Unfortunately, my mother told me to talk to him first. So I gathered up my Gatt, my nine, my Dick Tracy recording equipment and my Roy Rogers butterfly knife and went to his office […]
When I am home for the holidays, I like to stay indoors and out of the public as much as possible. When I go out, there is a lot of confusion. First of all, when you come from a small town like I do, every time you walk outside, it is like a trip down […]
I am writing this article for my testosteroned brethren who have yet to find true love in the George Washington social permafrost. True, it sometimes seems as if that special someone is not around the corner. It sometimes seems as if your true love is hooking up with the British soccer players. It sometimes seems […]