Luke Strosnider

Secret strategy for writing a paper

As the semester winds to a close, I, for one, am swamped with an inconceivable amount of stuff to do. My assignments mainly consist of writing – papers, journals, parking tickets, tagging subway cars. All I’ve been doing for the past few weeks is staring at a computer monitor while my derriere pleads for sunlight. […]

A cautionary tale of chocolate

Although Easter has come and gone, I cannot help but be reminded of the reason we all come together to celebrate this most sacred time of year. This event has affected us all, both spiritually and physically. We are all touched, in a decidedly non-physical manner, by both its far-reaching implications and its personal meaning. […]

Riding the Internet’s bull market

Money. Oh lordy, do we love money. Is there anything it can’t do? It can buy us beautiful things. It can make us feel big and important. Money can’t buy you love, but who needs love when you have a walk-in humidor? In this exciting capitalist society, money is the key to eternal happiness, to […]

The circus has finally left town

Pack up the tents. Round up the elephants. You there, with the cotton candy, stand and move along. You clowns, yeah, all of ya . back into the car. Your run in this town is over. The circus is moving out. The trial of the president is over. Well, now what? Don’t get me wrong, […]

Draw on Luke’s face and win praise

OK kids, get ready to have some fun. Yes, I know I usually write about dreary, serious and mundane topics, but this installment is going to be completely different. It is going to be wacky. You see, it all goes back to New Year’s. I was visiting New York City for the huge Times Square […]

Looking back on the events of ’99

If you picked up any newspaper or turned on a television a few weeks ago, you viewed some sort of “1998: The Year in Review” essay. Late December was a time for us to look back on the events of the past year that made news (Monica Lewinsky), made history (Monica Lewinsky), or made us […]

A holiday poem for you and yours

Seeing that this is the last Hatchet of the semester and I won’t be sharing my little column with you until 1999, let me give you my list of annual Christmas “Things to Do”: 1.) Watch the following holiday television specials: “How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” It’s a Wonderful Life, “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” “Rudolph […]

Monumental rejuvenation for the holidays

So have you seen the construction going on down at the Washington Monument? Yeah, last I checked, they had scaffolding up to about the halfway point of the 555-foot reminder of the “Father of Our Country” (although Thomas Jefferson has been giving ol’ George a run for his money, considering the results of recent DNA […]

Poor news coverage and the new $20s

It’s just not funny anymore. And that is why I would like to announce my resignation as The GW Hatchet’s so-called “humor columnist.” Ha! I sure had you going there for a minute. No, I’m gonna stick around and continue to churn out these diatribes every other week. I’m having fun. But what is really […]