Danimal

April Fools’ Issue: University planning to add non-basketball teams

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. In an extensive 15-minute investigation spent looking at the official athletic department Web site, The Machete has discovered this week that the University is planning to add teams in up to 20 sports that are not basketball. “We’ve always had a […]

April Fools’ Issue: Official: University poorly endowed

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Despite extensive measures aimed at reviving limp fundraising efforts over the past year, the University remains very poorly endowed, an administrator said last week. “We’ve tried every method of enhancement we can find – scouring books, the Internet, and late-night cable […]

April Fools’ Issue: Third phase of arena upgrades to add fans

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The third phase of Smitten Centre renovations is beginning to get underway this month, with the last round of additions to include a front fa?ade, a revamped concessions area, and fans, an administrator said this week. “We’re really excited about all […]