Da apostrophe

April Fools’ Issue: ’24’ star takes over as chief of police

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. After University officials searched for months to find a replacement for retiring UPD Chief Dolores Didntgetaglock, former Counter Terrorism Unit agent Jack Bauer took over the position Friday. Bauer immediately went out on patrol himself and made drastic changes to how […]

April Fools’ Issue: Metro trains run without delays

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Reports are coming in that Metrorail service ran on schedule Wednesday, leaving many customers both pleasantly surprised and highly confused as to what was going on. The Washington Metropolitan Area Troublesome Administration could not explain why the system worked perfectly, but […]