I’m baaaack. Yes, I graduated in May, but I just can’t seem to escape this place. I’ve been clicking my ruby slippers together and saying, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home,” but so far, nothing has happened. Speaking of home, I have chosen to spend the summer working here in D.C., […]
I have discovered my true calling in life: I will sell peanuts for a living at Camden Yards. Okay, so it’s not completely economically feasible, but my grasp on reality is weakening as graduation looms larger in my future. Since I am in the denial phase, I will now cease talking about the G-word all […]
WARNING: THIS COLUMN WRITTEN UNDER INFLUENCE OF NYQUIL. Unfortunately, computers don’t qualify as heavy equipment. My name is no longer “Audrey Molina.” Refer to me only as “That Girl Who Writes Those Articles in The Hatchet.” It just seems easier that way for everyone. Ah, if only I could be like Prince – oh, I’m […]
Before I start my column, I’d like everyone to participate in a moment of silence out of respect for trees that lost their lives in the name of SA elections. Thank you. Don’t you love those elections? For several days, we are transformed into the same type of people who stand outside J Street distributing […]
Instead of buying Mount Vernon College, why couldn’t Trachtenberg and our intrepid Board of Trustees (read: a bunch of really important people to our school, but no one really knows why) have bought a cooler school in a cooler place? Like the University of Miami, or UC-San Diego. We’d all be signing up to live […]
Shouldn’t we be hibernating right now? Or maybe we should have migrated someplace where we can sit on the beach and sip drinks with colorful little umbrellas in them. Oh, well. At least we can be entertained by the Winter Olympics. Don’t you love all the profiles broadcasters do on the competitors? They always are […]
I’ll admit this right now – I’m stealing this column idea from Rob Hertzfeldt, intrepid Hatchet cartoonist (can’t use the word intrepid too much to describe stuff). Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Plus, I’m really lazy. Anyway, I was inspired by Rob’s honesty and self-mockery when he told us about his dating life. […]
I have laryngitis, but this is a newspaper so it doesn’t really matter. I could write about how crazy it is that I am going to graduate in a few months and be thrust into the world, much like a bug flies into the freeway and is splattered over the windshield of a speeding Mack […]
Commencement at the MCI Center instead of the Ellipse is as good an idea as Coca Cola changing its formula. That’s all I have to say about that. Now, for something completely different… If there’s one thing in life that I really have trouble dealing with, it’s team mascots. I learned this piece of wisdom […]
Isn’t Halloween grand? What other holiday lets you dress like a freak, eat massive amounts of hardened sugar and get away with committing random acts of vandalism? I mean, besides every other day of your life. Let’s focus on my favorite subject, though. CANDY. Gotta love candy. Candy is sorta like a drug – it […]