Ask Annie: How do I stop hooking up with freshmen?

Facing a problem yourself? Annie has answers. Ask away!

Nicholas Anastacio | Graphics Editor

Dear Annie,

How do I stop hooking up with freshmen? I keep running into them in District House, and it’s become a problem.

Cradle Robber

Dear Cradle Robber,

With the newly deflated atmosphere in the District House basement, you wouldn’t expect anyone to make their way to this former hub of student life, especially not a freshman. A soft-serve machine in Thurston Hall’s cafeteria and courtyard study space should be enough to keep college newbies close to their cradles. Nevertheless, I suppose curiosity to see even the relics of the ancient GW social scene drove the freshmen out to cross your path.

What is it about freshmen that attracts you? Is it the way they call their parents while doing their laundry to find out if they wash sweaters on cold or hot? You may feel comparatively mature with fewer simple questions for your parents. Or is it their doe-eyed expectation of doing keg stands every weekend at one of GW’s few and underwhelming fraternities? They haven’t yet uncovered that Greek life at GW tends to look a lot more like networking among professional fraternities than partying.

Jenna Baer | Staff Cartoonist

There is no reason strong enough to hook up with tons of freshmen. Running into a former freshman lover only reminds you how low – in age – your standards are. Most people don’t enjoy seeing a past hook-up stroll by as they shove a slice of greasy pizza from DH Pizza & Pasta Co. down their throat, reminding them of what else they may have put down the pipe. Don’t forget we’re talking about an underclassman who hasn’t even finished their gen-ed requirements yet. While you’re in between bites, they might ask which courses will give them an easy A!

Let’s identify the circumstances that precede inviting a freshman back to your dorm – or, worse, going back to theirs with childhood stuffed animals waiting to greet you. Avoid activities that trigger your urge to get freaky with a frosh. If seeing a hungry freshman in the Carvings line whets your appetite, start using delivery services to order your late-night snacks. If you usually wind up lip-locking in an Uber headed from Decades to the Mount Vernon Campus, steer clear of Connecticut Avenue late at night! Heading to Adams Morgan, Shaw or U Street could be safer alternatives to the younger crowd at Dupont Circle. When you need to study, travel off campus to coffee shops, museums or libraries, free from the crawl of freshmen who clutter the likes of Gelbucks, the University Student Center and Kogan Plaza.

A hookup should feel sexy, not like a campus tour or orientation event. You deserve someone who’s been here long enough to know the difference between Potomac Square and Square 80. Surround yourself with a trustworthy group of friends who can keep you accountable if any romantic interest comes your way. If you need to test your prospect’s age, just ask them if the name “Thomas LeBlanc” means anything to them.

But no matter how hard you try, identifying and replacing triggers or finding an accountability buddy may not always stop you from sleeping with a freshman. If, or when, you find yourself making the trek home from Thurston, forgive your mistake and try harder to break the habit tomorrow. And while you’re at it, maybe eat and study at Western Market for the week instead of District. Fingers crossed the freshmen haven’t discovered Falafel Inc yet!

Best of luck,

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