How to be a stoner in your childhood home

Media Credit: File Photo by Ari Golub | Staff Photographer

Is the remote semester less than conducive to your newly developed drug habit? Here are some tips to manage the hassle.

If you’re like me, your stoner days only really began to blossom in college. 

The few occasions I got high in high school were met with anxiety that my conservative Christian parents would somehow find out. I could freely explore the world of cannabis once I got to GW, trying edibles with friends and smoking on a weekly basis – only to be sent home to continue online classes indefinitely.

But my years in college have helped me conceal my cannabis, and I’ve learned to carry those tricks back home this fall. Here’s what you should know if you’re yearning to smoke in your childhood home:

Getting the goods

When I abruptly flew home for the remainder of spring semester, my stash was left in D.C. for a lucky Storage Squad member to find, and my quest for a plug in my hometown began. 

The obvious and often most convenient choice may be that guy from high school who you know has a side hustle. But you should dig a little deeper – 20-year-old boys can be unreliable. More often than not, you can find a more experienced, older plug to gather your goods from than a community college frat boy. 

Ask stoner friends you trust if they could give you their plug’s contact information. After getting a few references, reach out to them over text and ask them about their products, prices and pickup location. Choose which one you like best.

I live in a state where cannabis is still criminalized, but if you live somewhere where it is recreationally legal, you can order cannabis products for delivery. Some of these companies even offer discreet packaging to mislead your rents.

Securing supplies

Once you’ve secured your cannabis products of choice, consider your best options for consuming it without your parents finding out.

Many people find that vaporizing pens with THC oil cartridges are the most discrete options for getting high because the smoke it produces is less dense and fragrant. But if the experience of smoking bud is integral to your ideal high, you could buy disposable joint and blunt papers and cones because you can throw them away after use. My go-to options are the RAW organic hemp paper pre-rolled cones because I don’t have to worry that my mediocre rolling skills will cause a bud spillage.

If you live in a state where cannabis is illegal, you might have trouble buying joint papers or glass paraphernalia. You can get around this by looking for local smoke shops that advertise themselves as 18-plus or by purchasing supplies online.

Storing your stuff

Once you’ve gotten your supplies, it’s time to hide your stash from sight and smell.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten from a plug was to invest in a pint Talenti gelato. Once you polish off the pint, you can clean the plastic container and use it as your weed jar. This plastic container is less bulky than your average mason jar and has a screw-on lid. It’s easy to tuck away, and all of the wonderful aromas you don’t want your parents to smell are locked inside.

If you’re in the market for something more sophisticated than an empty ice cream pint to store your cannabis, there are quite a few smell-proof bags and containers on the market designed specifically for stoners. Leafly, a publication for cannabis-related topics, published a rundown of the smell-proof “stash bags,” like Oh Sew Different stash bags and Stashlogix EcoStash bags to purchase. You can also find an overwhelming number of options, like the Ozchin odor-proof bag with a combination lock, by doing a quick Amazon search for smell-proof or odor-proof bags.

Scoping out a smoke spot

Regardless of your method, cannabis smoke has a distinct and strong smell. Creativity is key in finding a spot you feel safe smoking. 

First, have a friend tag along if you’re venturing away from your house to smoke. Public parks and greenways are solid options, especially if you enjoy being high in nature, but make sure you visit either early in the morning or late at night to avoid crowds. If you’re a lucky one with a balcony or large backyard, wait until you’ve got the place to yourself to light up.

To quell any of your parent’s suspicions, tell your parents you and a friend are going on a hike or having a picnic at your greenway or park of choice. If you’re smoking at home, I recommend adding your parents on Find My Friends so you know where they are and when they might be home. 

Baking your bud

If you don’t even want to risk your parents smelling your post-park high, edibles might be the way to go. 

If you’ve secured a reliable and experienced plug, they will either have edibles to offer you or will refer you to someone else that does. Be intentional about understanding the dosage of any edible you purchase. Dosage guides can be helpful once you know how many milligrams of THC is in the edible you buy. For a seasoned stoner, anywhere from 15 to 50 milligrams will produce a desirable high. 

If you have a couple hours in the house to yourself or a generous friend with a kitchen, you might also consider making your own edibles. There are endless tips and hacks for making edibles at home that you can research prior to getting out the mixing bowl. But when you’re ready to get cooking, cereal treats, brownies and cupcakes are some of my favorite recipes to infuse.

Stylizing your stash

Stoner supplies don’t have to be ugly, nor should they be. It can be easy to neglect your personal style when choosing stoner gear or beefing up your current collection. While accessories like grinders and lighters are mostly for utility, spicing up their aesthetic can be a great way to show off your personal style.

Etsy is a great place to find artsy, handcrafted paraphernalia. I bought my current grinder from an artist account called MadeByMikkiCo and I was able to personalize its design to match my taste. You can also find accounts that sell custom ashtrays, hand-painted wooden pipes and lighters

Another easy way to spice up your stash style is by personalizing your gear. You can try decorating your cannabis container and lighter with stickers or even paint. I have a collection of square scarves and bandanas that I love to use as a nap sack of sorts to wrap my cannabis in before I stuff it in my handy Talenti cup.

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