Roses are red, violets are blue, but Valentine’s Day sucks without something to do.
If you’re single this Valentine’s Day, don’t watch movies in your bed with chocolate Elle Woods-style. Whether you’re still feeling vengeful toward an ex who wronged you or just want to celebrate yourself this holiday without a significant other, there are plenty of events for every type of single person around D.C.
Here are five out-of-the-box events meant for the District’s sassy singles.
For the lovesick lumberjack:
Bad Axe Throwing
6 to 10 p.m.
2419 Evarts St. NE
Nothing makes Valentine’s Day worse than a recent breakup. If you can’t bury the hatchet with your ex, throw it at their face instead. For $20, you can bring a picture of your ex to Bad Axe Throwing and use it as a target as the instructors teach you the art of chucking axes. At the event you can learn a skill and let out your anger all in one fun activity. If you’re still heated at the end of the hour-long session, send a picture of the final product to your ex for the closure you’ve always wanted.
For the exasperated ex:
Crumbs and Whiskers
3211 O St. NW
If you tend to take a more passive-aggressive approach post-break up, you can still seek vengeance for your past relationships. Go to Georgetown’s Crumbs and Whiskers, a cat café that charges $18 for a 70-minute weekday session, and bring your finest stationery. While you sip on coffee and cuddle with cats, you can write a letter to your ex. Then throughout the month of February, Crumbs and Whiskers’ employees will use your letter to line the community litter box to give your past love a whiff of what you think of them. Nothing is better therapy than that.
For the determined detective:
Lips, Locks and Body Language
800 F St. NW
New relationships require plenty of decoding. But instead of sending screenshots of Tinder conversations to your group message, go to the Spy Museum on Valentine’s Day to learn from the best. Former military officer, interrogator and lying expert Lena Sisco will hold a briefing for single sleuths. For $35, Sisco will address how to recognize flirtation infidelity and disinterest in someone’s body language or facial expressions. In addition, attendees can enjoy a complimentary drink and free desserts while the museum analyzes their prints and teaches them how to escape handcuffs. Learn the warning signs from Sisco this Wednesday so you can ditch your next love before they play you.
For the abandoned athlete:
Heart and Sole Valentine Run
6:30 to 8 p.m.
919 F St. NW
You may not be able to run through a field of roses, but you can jog over to Potomac River Running Store for their free Heart and Sole Valentine Run. At 6:30 p.m., the group will begin a four-mile loop around the National Mall and pass by the monuments in the romantic moonlight. Get your endorphins going and who knows, maybe you’ll meet the love of your life as you cross the finish line. At the end of the run, the event’s sponsor –currexSole – will have a raffle to win a pair of the company’s $50 insoles that you can show off as your sporty, single self.
For the dateless dancer:
Love Your Sexy Self Dance Class
7:30 to 8:25 p.m.
1328 Florida Ave. NW
Burn 500 to 900 calories through “air humping, jumping jacks and non-stop smiling” with this 55 minute cardio class. This workout class for $29 at 305 Fitness will make you feel significantly better than the pint of Ben and Jerry’s in your freezer. Even if you’re not a good dancer, you can follow along with the routine designed for beginners. After you’re done sweating, reward yourself with red wine and pizza that comes with your ticket price in 305 Fitness’ VIP cabana. You’ll be surrounded by other singles who want to spend Valentine’s Day active and drama-free.