Peter JK subtweets administrators, prompts complaints of cyber bullying

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

Administrators are complaining of a toxic work environment after one top University official took to Twitter to share what he really thought about his co-workers. And it turns out to be GW’s most high-profile Twitter user – Peter JK.

A Twitter account named “N0t0ri0us_PK” has been posting regularly over the past six weeks and administrators said they feel as if the messages have been targeted at them, even though no names appear in the posts.

“It always seems to mention me when I’m in a big meeting, and then I look over and everyone’s low-key laughing at me,” Provost Merman said. “How am I supposed to do my job if I’m constantly being harassed?”

Officials also said JK is seen tweeting nonstop during meetings – which they pretty much find super rude.

“I guess I just, like, feel unappreciated because he barely even glances up at my charts,” said an old man who is a member of the Faculty Senate. “It’s like he wouldn’t even recognize me in real life.”

University President Jock Strapp vowed to hunt down whoever was behind the account after he said one tweet targeted his dog, Lays.

“I just don’t understand why he would say that,” Strapp said. “And about Lays? He’s just a dog. What did my dog ever do to him?”

Strapp said he will launch a full investigation, but declined to provide specifics about how he plans to do so. On Wednesday, he announced the launch of the Secret-But-Not-Super-Secret Task Force to Foster Responsibility on Social Media.

Some administrators, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, pointed fingers at JK, but when asked, he denied knowing what Twitter was.

“I’m on that Periscope, Meerkat,” he said, and then attempted to take a selfie with this reporter.

Immediately after JK’s interview with The Hatchet Job, N0t0rious_PK tweeted, “when will The Hatchet Job let me live omgggg.”

The tweets are typically posted between 2:30 and 4:15 a.m. — peak time for students who are avoiding all other responsibilities and have nothing better to do than stalk an administrator’s Twitter.

The account is typically followed by GW officials and top student leaders, to whom the poster makes frequent shoutouts.

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