Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
Students at GW don’t need anyone to tell them that the new textile museum under construction on 21st Street is arguably the most exciting construction project on campus.
But as students, we need make sure we are represented in this future landmark. That’s why the University should create an exhibit commemorating 2014 GW culture.
Students here, both male and female, are fashion icons deserving of a distinguished place in history. We’re undeniably special because we publicly shame anyone who wears sweatpants to class and we collectively refuse to show school spirit.
The museum will be for textiles and fabrics, after all, so it’s imperative that generations to come remember and learn to emulate the textiles and fabrics worn by the majority of GW students.
The exhibit would have several components, the first of which would showcase male fashion. Chubbies, Brooks Brothers suits and salmon-colored shorts from Vineyard Vines would be essential to the display. Museum curators could also hang bow ties from the ceiling to create ambiance.
The male fashion displays would be especially unique if the items were donated by male GW students themselves. We all know that every male student at GW will someday be president, so each piece of clothing in the exhibit will eventually become a part of history.
More expansive, though, will be the female displays. The hallways should be lined with different colors of Michael Kors bags that visitors can spend hours admiring because they’re just so unique and beautiful.
Although sweatpants will be considered a lost art by future generations, the prominence of leggings and yoga pants will surely be studied closely by historians. A Lululemon display will be front and center in the exhibit, neighbored closely by Uggs and Sperrys on pedestals.
North Face jackets and designer sunglasses should also be remembered in the exhibit. If the curator is ambitious, Starbucks cups with the names of GW divas who made clothing donations could be suspended over the heads of visitors.
Items banned from the museum would include GW apparel, denim of all varieties, Converse sneakers and absolutely all T-shirts.
Most of the student body can agree that this should be a priority for the museum upon its completion. This way, only the richest and most fashionable will remembered and all middle-class GW students will fade away into insignificance.
Sara Blue-Jeans, a sophomore majoring in museum studies with a concentration in tacky textiles, is a Hatchet columnist.