Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

Program Board announced last week that rapper Jay Sean would headline this month’s Spring Fling. Most of us struggle to remember his 2009 hit “Down,” which was a mainstay at pretty much every high school dance.

Along with my fellow students, I was outraged at the choice of Mr. Sean as our Spring Fling performer.

While high school can be considered a simpler time, the Program Board failed yet again to make me nostalgic enough. Instead, they should have gone with someone to bring us back to the days of elementary school. Doesn’t anyone else remember Fountains of Wayne?

As 10-year-olds, we belted out at the top of our lungs the hit of the year, “Stacy’s Mom.” This song, if performed at Spring Fling, could bring us back to a time that all GW students miss, a time where the biggest event of the spring was the annual field day.

If the Program Board wanted to pay someone to sing a song from our past, at least they should have stayed away from high school years. Nobody wants to remember high school.

MovesLike Jaggar, a sophomore, is majoring in time-machine construction with a concentration in the 1990s.