Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
This past winter, the men’s basketball team enjoyed success due partially to the enthusiasm GW students displayed.
But despite the rise in spirit, there was one continuous problem throughout the season: The majority of students who attended games did not know the GW fight song. The only way to fix this issue is to add a course on the song as a general education requirement. GW spends millions of dollars on its sports teams anyway – the University might as well invest in one more course.
Besides, there really aren’t enough general education requirements currently.
During basketball games this season, it was almost embarrassing to look into the stands. There were few students who knew the words. The rest of the students in the crowd had blank stares, awkwardly looked down at their phones or were weakly pumped their fists, pretending to know the words to the song.
Students from other schools have even made comments to GW students such as, “Do you even go here?” It did not appear so.
The course, called FIGHT 1001 should consist of reciting the words of the fight song over and over again, every class, for the entire semester. Students will be mandated to attend GW sports games periodically, where professors will be standing by to determine their grades based on performance. To discipline for tardiness and absences, individuals will be required to paint their faces buff and blue, stand up and shout the fight song alone during games, at times when no one else is really cheering.
This tactic will make students more enamored with the school – maybe their parents will even donate to the athletics program.
Lara Twerkin, a freshman who likely won’t graduate in time because she has so many requirements to take, is a Hatchet opinions writer.