Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
It’s not just the distance that’s tearing Erica Stein-Levin’s entire friends-from-home group away from her.
The freshman has aggravated her high school friends by incessantly posting photos of D.C. monuments and motorcades, frequently as backdrops to selfies, which have been made worse by poor filter selections.
“On Instagram was one thing. You can scroll past that,” said Jessica Burke, the ex-best-friend of GW freshman Stein-Levin. “Once the sunset Capitol pic made it to cover photo status, I knew this friendship had to come to an end soon.”
Burke, and other friends-from-home of Stein-Levin’s, admit that they have occasionally posted photos with cool shit near their schools, such as football games and real tailgates, but “nobody compares to Erica,” they said in unison.
Burke cited the GW freshman’s overuse of “#OnlyAtGW” hashtag as the real deal-breaker.
“Like, literally nothing she posts can only happen at GW,” friend-from-home Emily Trumbull noted. “I’m sure that plenty of kids from Georgetown go down to the National Mall, too. But ‘Only At GW’ are the kids so high-and-mighty about it.”
To make matters even worse, her friends say she can’t even be straight-up about her bragging. A glance at her Instagram reveals a feed littered with hashtags like “#casual”and a to a photo of the Lincoln Memorial captioned with “Not the worst place for a study sesh??? ;)”
Ellie Gold says the worst captioning offense is “#nbd” for a picture of a motorcade on 22nd Street. “Like what, trying to imply it’s a big deal? We literally get it.”
Gold had recommended to the friend group that they stage an intervention, but when the rest called that idea “so awkward,” they hit a wall. The group agreed that it’s time to terminate the friendship – not formally, of course: They just won’t be responding to texts or Facebook message, even if they’ve been “seen.”
“We’re just going to have to go to our own mall at more obscure hours when we’re at home,” Burke said. “She can’t sit with us.”