Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
A freshman slipped into disappointment Monday morning when the quote he posted to the “Overheard at GW” Facebook group over the weekend garnered only eight likes.
Jordan Richardson, who has been a member of the group since he was accepted to GW almost a year ago, has repeatedly liked and commented on posts, but had yet to share an observation of his own.
He quoted two bros in GDub Java saying the following:
Bro: “…Wait, I don’t know how to do business.”
Bro’s Friend: “Wait, aren’t you in the business school?”
“He had been saving that Overheard post for months,” his girlfriend, Carly Ruiz, told The Butter Knife while waiting in line at Carvings. “He thought he had a good one this time and the community really just let him down.”
When asked if she had liked his post, Ruiz declined to comment.
Richardson’s ego dropped further when he realized that a comment on his post was attracting more likes than his original post.
“I checked back a few hours later, and all of a sudden, some douchebag I’ve never heard of was up to 35 likes for commenting ‘Gold star.’” he told a reporter. “Trolls are the worst.”
Richardson reportedly had an early vision for an Overheard post that could rack up likes without including a photo. “It’s what Overheard was originally about, you know?” Richardson, who’s been on campus just five months, said. “You never used to have to include a picture every time, but now people expect one.”
Students echoed his sentiments across campus, as students who actually hear funny things find themselves too afraid to share them without a photo, fearing ridicule.
“I mean, you see kids like Jordan, who overhear something pretty funny, but then they just get shat on in the group,” said one sophomore, who asked to remain anonymous to avoid her name coming up in Google searches even though she was commenting on an innocuous subject.
“He should have just waited until those black dildos showed up in Ivory again,” one of Richardson’s fraternity brothers said. “It was too risky to post just a funny quote. He was practically asking for failure.”