Editor’s note: The Hatchet’s “In the Buff” sex column is written under pseudonyms. Send questions or comments to our female sex columnist at firstname.lastname@example.org
Sometimes it’s not about who you have sex with – but where.
I’ve had many friends tell me sex stories that take place in a
handicap bathroom, the Gelman stairwell or the Thurston laundry room.
After hearing all of their escapades, I knew I had to go on an
adventure of my own.
Over the last few years, I’ve begun to compile a list of what I
believe to be the hottest spots on campus. Some are definite wins,
others weren’t really worth the risk. But the list will keep growing.
1. Would do again: Ross Hall
As much as it’s everyone’s dream to hook up in Gelman, there are way
too many windows in those study rooms for me to get it going.
Last year, I was lucky enough to start hooking up with someone in one
of my classes. It was the perfect mix between study buddies and fuck
buddies. Our study routine – when we couldn’t afford to be distracted
by a bed – normally involved a room somewhere in Ross Hall.
After a few very long nights of cramming for an exam, it was time to
start cramming something else in.
We gave each other a few suggestive looks across the room and it
became clear that neither of us cared that we were in an academic
facility for the most selective medical school in the country. And the second we
started kissing, that feeling became stronger. He picked me up a
second later and half our clothing was gone within the minute. We
strategically placed ourselves in the corner of the dusty old study
room, praying no one would walk in, and went at it.
The first few times we heard someone walk past the room, I was pretty
sure I was going to have a heart attack. But once we got into the
groove of things, the danger of being caught only added to the fun.
Once we were both done, we put our clothes back on and went right back
to studying. At least now we both had smirks on our faces.
2. We’ll keep this one in the books: Kogan Fountain
We’ve all been there: you meet a cute guy at a bar and he seems
interesting, but not interesting enough to sleep with. I spent a
majority of my night talking, dancing and taking shots with him, but
even the tequila couldn’t make his jokes funny.
I just kept telling myself not to give up on him because he was so
hot. After stumbling out of the bar, we began walking back together
and stopped in the middle of campus. It was then that I had a
brilliant idea and started dragging this poor guy toward Kogan Plaza.
When he questioned me on where we were going, I blurted out that it
was on my bucket list to hook up with someone in the Kogan fountain.
He seemed a little skeptical of the idea, but not enough to say no to
me. I kicked off my sandals and jumped in. He was a little more
cautious, taking his time untying his shoes and making sure not to
splash any water when he finally stepped in.
We spent the rest of our night making out and splashing around. I
ended up having a lot of fun with him, but that might just have been
because we weren’t doing much talking. At least his mouth was good for
one thing after all.
I’m still very so-so about my feelings on this night. It was
definitely a lot of fun, but the memory is ruined every time I walk
past the fountain and see the disgusting color of the water. I still
don’t understand how we didn’t get caught by UPD or a single student –
but that’s not something I’ll ever complain about.
3. Goal for the rest of the year: Phillips
I’m going to be pretty unhappy if I don’t get to hook up in Gelman,
Marvin, Tompkins and Duques before I graduate. But none of those
compare to my favorite place on campus – which is obviously at the top
of my list. It doesn’t really have a name, I tend to just call it the
top of Phillips. It’s the top of the stairwell, and it the most ideal
study spot. There’s always a table and a few chairs, and if you’re
lucky an extension cord.
The view is really what does it. Who wouldn’t want to do the deed
while looking at the D.C. skyline? I know I’m not the only one who’s
thought of this – I’ve seen multiple condom wrappers and even a pillow
up there. But considering the amount of times someone has walked up
there while I’ve been studying – fully clothed – I think this is a
place that might take a little more work.