April Fools’ Staff Editorial: Flushing the toilets from campus

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

GW has strived to become a green-friendly campus for the past several years. And University President Power Napp has demonstrated his own eco-consciousness from Day One. Our editorial board considers this a noble goal. But we don’t think the University has taken this initiative far enough.

If the University really wants to become a leader in sustainability, all toilets must go.

Each time students flush a toilet, they use 1.5 to two gallons of water, according to a Yahoo! Answers responder. Frankly, that’s excessive. Imagine all the water we could save if we all just stopped using the toilet altogether.

If the University flushes toilets away, it will encourage students to be more conscious of their water usage, and not nearly as much will go to waste. Such a bold and innovative approach will certainly launch the University to the top of the list of the Most Eco-Friendly Colleges in the country.

Green GW has backed the move, fundraising nearly $1,700 to remove existing plumbing from residence halls.

This new initiative might raise some concerns among particularly hard-assed administrators. Some have questioned how students will relieve themselves. The answer is simple: Move off campus into apartments or homes that still have bathrooms.

Many students already live off campus, but for those who choose to stay in the residence halls, well, they should find a friend with a bathroom, because GW won’t foot the water bill anymore.

And if that fails, you could always just urinate in the Kogan Plaza fountain.

But to quell any anxieties, administrators should know that students on the whole welcome this structural change to residence halls.

Becky Goldenweiner, president of the Ermey High School Ecology Club and a newly accepted member of the Class of 2017, said the cost is “totally worth it to be a part of a university that truly cares about the sustainability of like, our planet.”

Seth Weinershell, director of GW Shacks, said the cost for removing toilets from all halls will be minimal – a simple $10,000 addition to each room’s cost for the Class of 2017 will cover it. And given GW’s already high cost of attendance and living expenses, what’s a few thousand more dollars?

“I would literally do ANYTHING to become the most sustainable school in the world. And if that means students have to give up their potty privileges, well then, so be it,” Napp said.

We appreciate Napp’s passion for sustainability and his dedication to making GW more efficient when it comes to water usage, and we call for the Board of Trustees to put an end to this water usage pronto.

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