April Fools’ Staff Editorial: A list of questions for President Power Napp

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

  • Why does J Street still suck despite revamps every summer?
  • When will tuition stop increasing?
  • Why Ruffles – why not Lays?
  • Why would the University conduct an audit but never get a fucking written report of it?
  • What do you really do all day?
  • Why do you drive your Prius one block away to 1957 E Street?
  • What do you like to eat at Founding Farmers?
  • How did you meet your wife?
  • What’s your favorite food for your chefs to prepare?
  • Have you ever eaten a pretzel from Auntie Anne’s?
  • Do you name the sheep on your farm?
  • What are their names?
  • When you have trouble sleeping, do you count them?
  • Marry, fuck, kill: Stephen Joel Trachtenberg, Barbara Porter and Provost Steven Lerman?
  • Under your house on F Street, is there a dungeon where you slay hippos?
  • Are you afraid you are going to be killed off on this season of Game of Thrones?
  • Do you have a hot tub in your backyard?

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