Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
- Why does J Street still suck despite revamps every summer?
- When will tuition stop increasing?
- Why Ruffles – why not Lays?
- Why would the University conduct an audit but never get a fucking written report of it?
- What do you really do all day?
- Why do you drive your Prius one block away to 1957 E Street?
- What do you like to eat at Founding Farmers?
- How did you meet your wife?
- What’s your favorite food for your chefs to prepare?
- Have you ever eaten a pretzel from Auntie Anne’s?
- Do you name the sheep on your farm?
- What are their names?
- When you have trouble sleeping, do you count them?
- Marry, fuck, kill: Stephen Joel Trachtenberg, Barbara Porter and Provost Steven Lerman?
- Under your house on F Street, is there a dungeon where you slay hippos?
- Are you afraid you are going to be killed off on this season of Game of Thrones?
- Do you have a hot tub in your backyard?
