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The GW Hatchet

AN INDEPENDENT STUDENT NEWSPAPER SERVING THE GW COMMUNITY SINCE 1904

The GW Hatchet

Serving the GW Community since 1904

The GW Hatchet

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PAUL closes in Western Market
By Ella Mitchell, Staff Writer • April 22, 2024

April Fools’ Issue: Toolbox Analysis: Things happen at places other than GW

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

#onlyatGW… and every other D.C. university.

“Congressional internships have always played important role in the Georgetown student experience.”
-“Anthrax, Terrorism Create New Concerns for Interns,” The Hoya, 2001

#onlyatGW… and probably at most other universities – at least at William & Mary.

“Tour Guiding is an admired position on this campus (one students compete to volunteer for)…”
–Wendy Livingston, William & Mary admissions officer

#onlyatGW… and other universities every year since it started in 2008.

Tulane University (2008), The University of Texas at Austin (2009), The University of Miami (2010) and the University of California, San Diego (2011) have all hosted the Clinton Global Initiative University. In fact, GW was passed over to host it… twice.

#onlyatGW… and at other university campuses for more than 20 years.

“…one of its methods of analysis included placing condom boxes in snack machines.”
–“Condoms now sold in vending machines,” The Chronicle, Duke 1994

#onlyatGW… and anywhere else President Bill Clinton is ever located ever.

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