Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
Sam Doucheman is a superhero.
The junior majoring in international affairs balances a full-time course load and involvement in student organizations with an added level of responsibility that few students can even imagine – Doucheman is an intern on Capitol Hill.
Originally from a small town in Montana, Doucheman works part time for Sen. Max Caucus, R–Mont., a minority member of a subcommittee on agriculture.
Doucheman knew he wanted to work for the government from a young age, so he decided to take a chance in the fall by applying for the prestigious opportunity.
“I just feel so lucky to be working alongside this well-respected official at such a young age,” Doucheman said. “I’m still shocked that I was selected from the really, really large applicant pool for the one available position. Did I mention the applicant pool was really large?”
He first heard about the internship opportunity from his uncle, who works on Caucus’ staff.
Doucheman began working for Caucus in early January, after returning from a trip to Africa with a group of friends – which he added to his resume, claiming he spent his time building houses for low-income families.
After a tiring day of classes, Doucheman treks to Capitol Hill, where he works for an average of 75 minutes over a three-day workweek. The commute is made easier with the help of a generous gift from his parents – an Audi R8.
He was pleased to notice his new car featured on the popular blog “GWU Cars” last week.
As an intern, Doucheman is able to gain firsthand experience with the type of work he envisions himself handling on a professional level later in life.
“My job includes a number of important responsibilities that are crucial to carrying out the overall operations of the Senate. I’m essentially senator Caucus’ right-hand-man,” Doucheman said.
Doucheman usually begins his day by preparing the senator’s coffee. The senator is particular about his afternoon cup of joe, as he only drinks it with two packets of Sweet’N Low and milk from grass-fed cows.
Once this is finished, Doucheman generally spends the remainder of his time shredding paper and removing staples.
“It’s a lot of work, but I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge,” he said.
But the job doesn’t come without its perks.
As an intern at the senator’s office, Doucheman gets a 15 percent off discount on any pair of boat shoes at Brooks Brothers and JoS. A. Bank.
He said the discount has helped to expand his professional wardrobe, though he wishes it also included deals on Bermuda shorts and Vineyard Vines. The internship experience has also provided him with a new level of self-confidence he feels he couldn’t have gained anywhere else.
“Every once in a while I’ll look at some of my friends and just think to myself, ‘I remember when I was unaccomplished,’ ” Doucheman said.
Doucheman plans to continue his work for Caucus until the end of May, after which he plans to spend his summer break in Europe, drinking heavily as research for his senior thesis.