Kelsey Rohwer: The five people you date at GW

On every sidewalk, hiding behind oversized sunglasses or headphones, are bachelors and bachelorettes just waiting for you.

It’s been a week since we’ve been back at GW, and dating may not be on your mind yet, but during your time here the subject is bound to come up. While it may seem like you have a lot of options, the student body can generally be broken down into five categories:

1. The Cuddler

Tools: cellphone with a keyboard, arms

As with anyone you will date at GW, the first weeks of dating The Cuddler will be bliss. They’re a perfect kisser, you have a regular stream of text messages and, most importantly, you can just lie in bed with them for hours. The problem with The Cuddler is they never seem to understand this honeymoon phase ends.

At first, the hourly text messages are cute, but after a week or two you’re ready to throw your phone under the next passing car. Not to mention, you’ve developed insomnia and a strange cramp in your hip from all the hours locked against their body.

You feel smothered – cuddled out, if you will. Time to break-up. The Cuddler’s relationship shelf-life generally lasts two to four weeks.

2. The One That’s Good In Bed

Tools: Tempur-Pedic mattress pad, experience

Chances are you will meet The One That’s Good In Bed at a party. Good In Bed will lure you in with their charm and skilled flirting, so by the time the party ends, you’ll be begging them to lead you home.

To quote “Fatal Attraction,” they undress you with their eyes. So naturally, you want to sleep with them.

It’s mind-blowing, so you exchange numbers. Contact will only occur Thursday through Saturday from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m. Remember – this isn’t actually dating. This is sleeping together. You stick with Good In Bed precisely because it’s good. But inevitably it has to end.

This relationship will last as long as your dignity does.

3. The One You Actually Go On Dates With

Tools: creativity, full wallet

For whatever reason, this person thinks you’re worth getting to know before you two make out on their futon.

You’ll grow to like the Dater a lot because they’re fun and creative. You go to a lunch place you’ve never heard of. You go to a museum in the middle of the day. You see a movie at that cool indie theater on E Street. While dating this person can be fun, you still need the physical aspect to make it last, and usually, that’s what The One You Actually Go On Dates With lacks.

Worst case scenario, you just made a new friend.

4. The Future President

Tools: clean hair, breast pocket full of business cards

At any other school the campus superstar would probably be an athlete, but here at GW we tend to substitute politics for sports. Much like an athlete The Future President is driven and clean cut. Their aggressive pursuit of a triumphant future and tendency to dress for success will in turn make you want to be a better person. There is much to be learned and gained from this relationship.

If it’s meant to last, however, you will be expected to bring something to the table as well. Otherwise, this relationship will do more good for your career than it will for your love life.

5. The One You Didn’t Expect

Tools: nice eyes, element of surprise

This person could come from anywhere: maybe a friend you’ve had for years suddenly strikes your dating fancy or a stranger on the Metro makes flirty eyes at you. Maybe The One You Didn’t Expect will be a Georgetown student you bump into.

The key is to not be prepared. The rule book applies to the ones who fit a mold, but the only thing to know about The One You Didn’t Expect is that when you find him or her, it’s the one who’s worth it.

–The writer, a junior majoring in journalism, is a Hatchet columnist.

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