Kelsey Rohwer: Spring awakening

Every time spring rolls around, some idiot always says “love” is in the air. Yes, there’s lilac on 21st Street, crazy birds in Kogan and more people holding hands than usual. But with love, spring at GW brings many things – mainly, memories that we may want to pack away in our boxes of winter coats and sweaters.

Spring is the time that everyone resurfaces. All of the couples that were snuggling indoors during the winter are now snuggling on benches around campus, and on occasion “rolling around” under blankets on U-Yard – trust me, I’ve seen it happen. One reason why campus seems to be swarming with couples is that they are coming out of winter hibernation. But they’re not the only ones.

All your awkward winter hookups are now wandering the streets as well. And they are just waiting for you to run into them. Whereas during the bitter winter months, you were very likely to make it from your room to class without seeing certain people, the first warm days allow people to take their time walking around campus. You know the girl who hadn’t shaved her legs since fall or the guy who kept licking your neck while he danced behind you? They’re out in the open along with everyone else. Run-ins are bound to happen.

No matter who you ask, there are only two options: ignore or acknowledge. This is a decision that you need to make quickly and execute effectively, because otherwise, your awkward winter hookup could put you in an even more awkward situation.

If you choose to ignore, as, let’s be honest, most do, you’ve got some options. The surprise phone call is easy since chances are you already have your phone in hand. Simply put it to your ear and start talking. Apparently there is a man who frequents Starbucks that does this quite well with no phone at all. It may be wise to go and take notes.

If thinking of random conversation topics to have with yourself on a fake phone call is not your forte, then stick with the general stare at the ground move, or look at your watch if you wear one. This is simple and straightforward; just remember to not look up until you are sure that the person has passed. Whatever you do, always have your headphones in; you don’t even have to listen to music. And you thought everyone on campus just liked to rock out to Kid Cudi as they walked to class. No, they are in fact avoiding you.

If you are a brave soul, or just like awkward situations like me, then you will choose not to ignore. The key here is to walk swiftly and not answer or ask any questions. A simple head nod, “Hey,” or slightly raised hand will suffice. By acknowledging his or her existence, you seem like a mature individual who can handle awkward run-ins, and this can imply that your hookup was no big deal. Running into an old hookup is a lot like ripping off a Band-Aid, or taking a shot of really bad vodka. Initially it seems like a bad idea; but it’s quick, painless and the end result is satisfying because you are being the better person and got it over with.

Before you start thinking that the walk from Au Bon Pain to Funger will be like a minefield of exes, it’s important to remember that it is also a showcase for new talent. In spring, the shorts are shorter, the legs are tanner and we are all fresh off of our spring break detox and winter break break-ups. The season itself creates an atmosphere in which primal instincts thrive. So while you’re avoiding those select individuals, be sure to keep an eye out for something new. Because while love may be in the air, your next spring fling could be too.

Kelsey Rohwer, a sophomore majoring in journalism, is a Hatchet columnist.

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