Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
Cultivate Eskimo siblings
They are your family away from home.
Gelman is hot
If someone burned down Gelman for the insurance money we wouldn’t be too sad.
Handjobs are the poor man’s blowjob
You’re in college, grow up. Also, spitters are quitters.
Is not a real thing… Nobel Laureates teach at other schools too.
GW’s first professor with a rockin’ bod.
People who ditch basketball games at halftime kinda suck.
Diversity and Inclusion
We’re in favor of diversity and inclusion… we just don’t know what it means. Not sure whether the administration does, either.
Hope this means “sexually active,” but it probably doesn’t.
Let’s fix J Avenue
More plasma screen TVs, please.
Looks like Skeletor. There, we said it.
Just say no.
Did he go here? Why is he always around?
202 944 7550. You know what to do.
Delaying the real world for two more years.
Pouring liquor in your eye
A fucking awful decision.
That’s okay, take your time.
After all the coverage, why isn’t there a Hot Shit sandwich?
Milkshake machine in Pelham Dining Hall
We know you’re a wizard. Bring one to Foggy Bottom.
Your comment in poli sci lecture
Doesn’t matter. Shut it down.
Is just parent-funded partying.
Are over, but we still want a block party.
You just don’t get them.