Sex Column: The Gotham City theory

I don’t fancy myself a comic book man. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good superhero movie, but besides a half-read copy of “Watchmen,” I’m lacking when it comes to graphic novels. Of course, it doesn’t take a comic book aficionado to know that each of us is living in Gotham City. Here in Gotham, evil is rewarded and good is underappreciated. And those bestowed with the bothersome burden of manners are forced to settle at the bottom. There’s no bat signal leading to salvation here. Now, I’m not talking about economics or politics; analysts and economists can handle those denser subjects. No, I’m talking about the far more cursed matter of the opposite sex.

When it comes to pursuing a woman in a sundown situation, there are no greater faults I’ve found than respect, kindness and compassion. Women value all of these characteristics, but predominantly in friends and serious boyfriends. And though they seem to appreciate them in most day-to-day interactions with men, some of them forsake this whenever the aim is to find a man to crawl into bed with. In fact, women seem to go for the guys who act: impolite, dick-ish, coy, uninterested, uninteresting, narcissistic, or like the TA in my econ class.

Some women obliviously revel in the fallacy that they are not shallow. In reality, both sexes are mortally superficial. At its nature, the surface judgment is a trap that few escape.

The origin of this apparent female tendency is unknown to historians, but I can confirm that the condition has existed in some way since at least 1995. In kindergarten, my first crush always ignored me for the kid who threw rocks during recess. No matter at what time this ungodly practice was birthed, I urge women to break the cycle. I would hate to resort to this Gotham douchebaggery in order to avoid the prospect of sleeping alone.

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