Sex Column: An endless string of Eskimos

Despite GW’s 20,000-plus students, I frequently find myself coming across exes. Whether they are former girlfriends or recent hookups, they are everywhere. The “it’s a small world after all” feel is inescapable. But even more awkward than these run-ins are the Eskimo brothers that I have accumulated as a result.

For those who are unaware of Eskimo brothers, allow me to explain. An Eskimo brother is an individual, male or female, with whom you share a proxy hookup. In short, he or she has fooled around with one of your past flames. And with our student body’s healthy sexual appetite, I can almost guarantee that the girl you drunkenly went home with last weekend wasn’t sowing her oats for the first time.

The truth is that if you have had sex with someone since coming to Foggy Bottom, you likely have accumulated at least one GW Eskimo brother or sister.

As with any relative, you may not be particularly keen on a member of your Eskimo family, especially since you did not choose to have a relation to him or her – unless, of course, you had a three-way. But whether you like it or not, you will always share a bond with your Eskimo kin, even if the experience you both shared was not a positive one.

Recently, I came across an Eskimo brother of my own. A friend of mine was telling me about a weekend hookup he had a couple months back. After hearing a few details and tidbits of information, I started to feel an odd sense of déj? vu. The bad kissing and the sloppiness – his experiences told the story of a hookup that I had also experienced with a girl not too long ago. The half-moon hickey on his neck only confirmed my suspicions.

Smiling upon the sight of the lunar love mark, my stare was met by Ben’s* inquisitive glance.

“Callie*?” I asked.

“You too?” Ben responded. “You should have warned me!”

Despite the momentary awkwardness, it was surprisingly enjoyable to go through the play-by-play of both our hookups with someone who could relate. In the purest sense, misery loves company.

Uncovering a new Eskimo brother is an unavoidable aspect of the college dating and mating scene. My best advice: embrace them. In the Biblical sense, you share the same knowledge. Like two people who have taken a bite from the same forbidden fruit, you will always share that common, and usually laughable, experience.

*Names have been changed to protect the naughty.

The Hatchet has disabled comments on our website. Learn more.