April Fools’ Issue: Friends report student missing

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

A GW senior has gone missing and both city and University police have launched a large-scale search, officials said late Wednesday night.

Friends of Gohin Toveeay say they haven’t heard from her in nearly 48 hours. She was last seen walking through Kogan Plaza Monday evening, and while they say she’s been known to sneak away at times, she would never miss her favorite TV show, “Glee.”

“We had a fight about whose turn it was to take out the trash and then she left. We argue a lot and sometimes she leaves to cool off but it’s not like her to miss “Glee,” said Toveeay’s friend Ofer Reaxin. “I called her phone but it went to voicemail.”

Police say they are scouring the area for Toveeay, bringing in helicopters and the National Guard to highlight the importance of the search.

“Clearly, this person has been kidnapped. There is no question. You should totally put this on the front page,” University Police Chief Jack Bauer said.

Reaxin said she was beside herself with grief.

“She’s gone and it’s my fault,” Reaxin said. “I mean, there’s totally no way we’re ever going to see him again.”

Toveeay has arrived at her Thursday morning 8 a.m. class. Chill the fuck out.

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