April Fools’ Issue: Done and done.

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

Yes, we did! Si, se puede! That’s right, we did it, we got Obama elected, and EVERYTHING is better now. It’s only a year after Obama took office, and there is nothing left to do.

The youth was the engine of his campaign. I personally spent 90 hours a week working for Obama during the election. I quit school to do it, my girlfriend dumped me when I stopped taking showers so I could call people for the fourth or fifth time. Did I miss the sex? Hell yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely.

Look at the progress we have made. Gays can openly serve in the military, – well soon they will, we think. Hey, at least Guantanamo is closed! Or at least it will be once they can figure out what to do with a couple dozen prisoners. America is more environmentally friendly, minus the offshore oil drilling we promised wouldn’t happen. Out of Afghanistan? Done… in a year or so, depending on things. Withdraw from Iraq? Soon! We promise!

Okay, what about health care? Who cares if we didn’t get the public option? Effective price controls? Or realistic budgetary projections? That’s all just unnecessary paperwork anyway.

See, it’s really important that you care about issues during election times. Especially when the candidate has cool graphics! You know, Shepard Fairey designed the Obama poster? I actually liked him before he was famous. But it’s not really important to work on issues when somebody isn’t running for office. I care tons about homeless people, but would I ever spend a day at a homeless shelter? No, stapling shit for my senator on the Hill is way, way more important.

The point is that when there is an election and you are out rocking votes, being involved is really important, and cool. But as soon as that election is over, it doesn’t actually matter.

The writer, a sophomore majoring in idealism, doesn’t understand how the world works.

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