April Fools’ Issue: Crowning the king and queens of GW fashion

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

The University is known for its style-conscious student body, and these three runway whores are no exception. Captured by The Machete’s fashion columnist in Kogan Plaza, they have each brought their own accouterments to traditional GW styles, and in this elitist writer’s opinion, they are 100 percent Foggy Bottom fab.

Mostly Gorgeous

A Jewish-American Princess getting her M.R.S. degree in communications

This prissy chick has moved her way through campus but is still in need of more credits to graduate. Pictured aside, Gorgeous roams the GW campus in search of cute boys in her black leather Juicy Couture coat paired with leggings. Her top is from American Apparel. To complete the outfit she sports a dazzlin’ pair of brown sunglasses that she procured from BCBG Max Azria on her daddy’s Platinum American Express card, plus the quintessential black Louis Vuitton bag that her last boytoy bought her.

Bleeding Heart

Another goddam hipster majoring in American studies

A self-confessed do-gooder who makes epic pronouncements about how she will go on to “change the world,” Heart supplements her optimistic outlook with a veritable fashion statement. She was spotted by the Machete’s fashion columnist wearing an American Apparel deep V-neck shirt under a flannel button-down from Urban Outfitters. A true hipster, her shorts were cut by a friend and her bag came from a thrift store in Austin, Texas. As if this worldly spirit could get any more stereotypical, her two bracelets – one from the Basilica de Guadeloupe in Mexico City and one made of caution tape – make this beneficent soul even more of a wannabe world-saver.

Nota Geed

A brah majoring in international business

Too much Vineyard Vines is what usually defines this pretentious asshole, who spends his days in the bizness school trading stocks and devising asset allocations. Pictured here outside of his frat house lair, Nota Geed paired a blue Lacoste polo shirt paired with white knee-length Tommy Bahama shorts, completing the douchey getup with a brown pair of Sperry’s. The pi?ce de resistance was the backwards cap from Vineyard Vines. Though the outfit was a far cry from the Hugo Boss suits that this guy sports when he goes to steak dinners at Ebbitt’s, it proved a perfect fit for the daylong tools-only outing he attended last weekend at Congressional Country Club.

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